


Make Peace

by amelia_vale_official



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Fanfiction, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jeith - Freeform, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence, Voltron, Whump, jaith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 21:30:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15872103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amelia_vale_official/pseuds/amelia_vale_official
Summary: In which groups of sentries are inexplicably still active after Sendak’s defeat, so small squadrons of two or more are sent out to deal with the situation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically end-game Jeith, but there's also implied Sheith and Klance. Be prepared for what this fic is actually about, though, mainly James and Keith with Shiro and Lance only playing very minor roles. You have been warned, please enjoy.

“Our course has been set, coordinates locked into the MFE data base, and preparations have been completed. We’re ready to leave as soon as you clear us.”

Shiro glanced up at the clipboard he was flipping through to send a smile in the direction where James Griffin was standing, helmet under his arm and a stony look on his face. His MFE fighter was behind him, where engineers and technicians were giving it one last look over before sending the cadets off on their latest mission.

It certainly wasn’t a very big or key mission, but liberating the entire planet was a difficult enough task without the war, so add on the fact the Garrison were hard pressed for personnel and stretched thin on willing outreach workers, and they were in a pretty tough spot.

The war with Sendak’s armada had left the Garrison, and the entire planet, in absolute disarray. Voltron was a figurehead of hope, and bringing in the rebels and the Blade of Marmora was a step in the right direction, but there was only so much they could do at the Garrison. Work continued on, the Atlas was being repaired with the help of alien and human engineers, the entire Garrison was being rebuilt or patched up, and the neighboring town of Plaht City was being re-purposed as the first alien colony, but Shiro, and the rest of the Paladins, knew there was a lot more they could be doing.

Which is what lead them to this mission. There were still groups of Galra hiding out on the planet, holding up in destroyed cities and towns across the globe. People were being attacked by sentries, captured by surviving enemy Galra, and it was an all around mess. The Garrison had been tagging enemy activity whenever mention of it came up, and groups of fighters and foot soldiers were sent out to dispatch the left over militia on the ground.

James was one of the many pilots working on those missions.

“Great, just a few more things to go over with you and Keith,” Shiro noted, handing off the clipboard to Veronica, who was standing beside him, and setting a hand against his hip as the analyst held out a tablet and brought up a 3D rendered map.

“The area is isolated and has all but been abandoned by citizens,” Veronica explained, moving the 3D map so more of the area was visible, “Reports from fly-by’s have come back generally positive. It’s being used as a hide away for abandoned sentries and drones, but no sign of Galra activity beyond the bots. It should be an easy clean up.”

“Just the two of you should be enough,” Shiro added, looking over at Keith before turning his head back to where James had shuffled a few steps closer in order to see the map better, though it was obvious he was keeping his distance otherwise, “The black lion would be a pretty loud calling card, and considering the current condition of the enemy, it’s likely they’ll run when they see you, Keith, so our best bet is for you to take the MFE. Touch down outside the perimeter of the town and walk the rest of the way, then you’ll be using the rendered map to locate the sentries and drones. Taking them out should be no problem for you.”

Keith held his arm up to download the map onto his gauntlet, then pulled it closer to bring the screen up, humming as he tapped the rendering, “Did any of the reports bring back a number hostiles?”

“I’m afraid not, but we’re hoping it’s not more than thirty to forty,” Veronica answered, and Keith closed down the map.

“Not a problem then.”

“Of course forty robots isn’t a problem,” James whispered under his breath, and the three with him turned in his direction.

“What?”

“Are we cleared?” James said in a slightly louder voice, and Shiro nodded.

“You’re cleared,” then looked back at Keith, “I’m confident you’ll be fine, but remember you can call the black lion if you need to. Contact me when you reach the rendezvous point before heading into town, after that shut down communications until the mission is over. I don’t want any of the sentries or drones picking up your location through the comm signal.”

“I’ll be fine, Shiro,” Keith promised, eyes closed.

Shiro seemed to wait for Veronica to be far enough away before adding, “You’re sure you’re okay with this? We can always send someone else.”

Keith frowned at that, “It’s my job as a paladin to help the liberation any way I can. I want, and need, to be apart of this. As the leader of Voltron especially, I want to have a positive reputation as someone willing to stick my neck out, even for seemingly mundane missions like this.”

“Okay, and I agree, but that’s not exactly what I mean,” Shiro smiled, looking over at where James was crouching on the wing of his MFE fighter, sharing a short conversation with one of the technicians, “You and him never really got along before. Almost every fist fight you got yourself into was with him.”

Keith just looked off to the side, “I’m over that, Shiro, I think I can keep myself from punching him. Besides, he’s taken me to mission points before.”

“Again, this is different. He’s not just dropping you off, he’s going in with you. You’ll be working as partners for this mission, he’s not just a chauffeur,” Keith made a face at that and Shiro shook his head with a small smile, “Can you still do it?”

Keith exhaled through his nose and met Shiro’s eye, “Yea. Whatever differences we had in the past, they’re not important enough to ruin this mission. There’s a lot of things that are more important than disagreements I had when I was sixteen.”

Shiro seemed to beam proudly, holding his left hand out for Keith to take before pulling him against his chest, wrapping his right arm around the paladin in a familiar hug, “You’ve definitely grown a lot the past few… years, I guess. I’m proud of you.”

Keith hid his smile against Shiro’s shoulder, wiping it away quickly before anyone could see it as he pulled back, squeezing Shiro’s hand before turning towards the MFE. James was standing up waiting for Keith, and turned when he saw the paladin walking towards the fighter, stepping into it and taking a seat to allow Keith room to slide into the copilot seat just behind him.

“Good luck!” Shiro waved a hand from the ground, and Keith smiled as he lifted a hand to his forehead in a salute.

“All’s good, Captain.”

He pulled his helmet on as the cockpit was shut and the engine started, leaning back and frowning a little as the fighter lifted up and out of the hanger, flying into the air and starting their trip towards the over-run town. Keith spend the first few minutes looking over the mission again, pulling the screen up with his gauntlet and checking over the rendered map.

The town wasn’t too big it seemed, and Veronica was right when she said it was generally isolated. It seemed to be hours away from any major city, or any big towns at all. The population before Sendak’s invasion teetered on the edge of fifty-five hundred, which honestly wasn’t that big as it was. There were a few taller buildings, likely for business, but beyond that it was mostly urban neighborhoods, parks, and wildlife.

He and James would be almost definitely cut off from most communication with the Garrison, not just because of the spotty location, but because of the fact Sendak had destroyed all of the orbiting satellites, and they had yet to launch any others. The only way they would be able to contact Shiro was through Keith’s suit, which was connected to the other paladin’s. So long as nothing happened to that link, then they would probably be fine.

“Can you shut that off, the light is distracting me,” James spoke up, breaking Keith’s concentration, and he debated how to respond before closing the map.

“Sorry, plotting a route through the city.”

“Do that when I’m not navigating.”

“… sure.”

They fell into a somewhat tense silence after that, and Keith continued to lean back against the seat, head tilted back so he could stare up through the tinted dome of the cockpit. The flight would take a few hours at least, they couldn’t afford to go faster and drain the MFE’s power. Keith was used to silence like that, even hours of silence, but he was going to be stuck with James for at least a day. They couldn’t just avoid each other on the ground, they needed to communicate during the mission.

So… what the hell were they supposed to talk about now? Keith wasn’t sure, he wasn’t used to talking to people, he definitely didn’t know how to start casual conversations.

“So… you really excelled in the Garrison it seems. Iverson talks about you and your team a lot,” Keith tried, looking off to the side like he was searching the inside of the cockpit for a script he could read off of; he didn’t find anything though, so he simply ended the statement with, “Congratulations.”

“Thanks…,” James replied, sounding somewhat suspicious, and Keith winced a bit.

Damn he was bad at this…

“Plus, being chosen as an MFE fighter despite being a cadet… pretty elite,” okay, that was good, “You must’ve worked hard to get to this point.”

“Look, we don’t need to talk,” James said tensely, “It’ll be just as nice to fly in total silence while contemplating the mission. Let’s both enjoy that silence.”

Keith felt a bit offended at that, but at the same time he got the feeling he just offended James as well, and went through what he’d said to see if he could figure out what triggered James. He couldn’t think of anything, though, and just slumped back, narrowed eyes staring at the back of James’ seat.

The rest of the flight was in silence, and when they settled down in the trees just outside of the town, Keith was actually relieved, hopping down to the ground and pulling up the rendered map as he reached out through his helmet’s comm system to contact Shiro back at the Garrison.

“Shiro, you around?”

“Right here,” was the almost immediate response, “good to hear from you.”

“We just touched down outside, moving closer to get eyes on the perimeter,” he waved a hand for James, who crept closer, shoulders hunched and holding his gun with a finger hovering at the trigger, “I’m marking the location on the render and scanning the area for hostiles. We’ll be moving in soon.”

“Copy. Remember what I said.”

“I know, shut down communications while the sentries are in place,” Keith said, crouching behind a tree, and waiting for James to do the same behind a different tree, both of them peering around towards the buildings, “We’ll be in range of their drones soon, I just wanted to check in with you.”

“Understood. We have your render marked, if something happens just send a distress or call the black lion to you. You can proceed with the mission, be safe.”

“Roger that, Captain,” Keith said, unable to stop the smile as he shut down the comms.

It always made him feel ridiculously proud when he called Shiro Captain. Not commander or lieutenant, but Captain. After everything Shiro had to endure, everything he lost, he gained a new title, and the greatest battleship Earth had every created. That was his legacy, and so was Voltron. Keith was just proud of Shiro, proud of himself for being part of what Shiro built up.

“Are we ready?” James asked, gun lifted and eyes panning over the area, and Keith held his hand down towards his thigh, black bayard forming fully in his hand before growing into his usual sword.

“Ready. Keep eyes on my six, I got your back,” Keith said it instinctively, not even noticing the baffled look James threw at him as they crept from behind the trees and towards the buildings.

By now Keith was so used to leading or taking point, he was used to communicating with the other paladins, trusting his back to Lance and Hunk, that he just fell into the same rhythm as he usually did, bayard at the ready as he slipped into the alley between the closest buildings, checking over his shoulder to make sure James was there. He was, his back and shoulder to Keith, gun raised and watching the back.

The town was deathly silent, the crunch of their boots against the dirt was almost too loud, and the deeper they went, the more Keith was able to pick out the wreckage of the town; the more his chest began to tighten, the less tense his shoulders grew. There were scars of a battle the citizens of this town never had a chance at winning, because every attack came from above.

Ion canons on Galra cruisers annihilating buildings completely, cars were in the streets sewn in half from the blast, Keith could see scorch marks marring the sides of buildings, furrows in the concrete of the sidewalks. After the initial attack, they probably dropped down sentries, drones, and Galra soldiers to capture the survivors, as if there were many at all. It was… painful.

Keith had stopped at one of the buildings, feeling along one of the scorch marks as if he could wipe it away, his lips pressing tightly together as he pulled his hand away. He probably wasn’t the only one of Voltron who thought about it… wondered if they were too late after all. Sure they managed to defeat Sendak in the end, but if they’d just gotten there sooner. A year sooner, even a few months sooner, they could have saved so many lives.

Adam… if they’d been there sooner, they could have even saved Adam…

“Keith, what are you doing?” James hissed over at him, and Keith turned away from the building, stepping back into the street as he held his arm up to bring the rendering back.

“Scanning,” he answered, glancing around their surroundings as dots began to pop up on the screen, “Drones incoming, across the street. This way,” he ducked behind and overturned car, pointing up with two fingers as he kept his eyes on the screen, “Shoot them down as soon as they’re in range, your weapons will disrupt the distress signal to the sentries.”

“So now you want to let me handle drones, took you long enough,” James muttered, turning and propping his gun across the front of the car.

“The gunshots will likely call sentries to us, so be prepared for that. Aim for the joints in the legs, I’ll take care of the rest.”

James didn’t answer that time, but Keith had no time to make sure he understood as gunshots sounded in the next few moments. Five drones exploded in mid air before the scraps fell to the ground, and Keith flinched at the immediate blare from the rendered map.

“Quiznak that was faster than I thought.”

“Quiz-what?”

Keith shut down the map and jumped to his feet, one hand planting on the roof of the car and swinging himself onto it, “Aim for the joints, don’t miss, and don’t shoot me!”

“What?! Wait!” James yelled before snarling and standing, yanking open the door of the car and shooting out the glass before crouching there and aiming down the street as Keith sprinted to meet the sentries before they could take aim with their own weapons.

For a few moments Keith assumed James was completely ignoring his order, until the knee of the sentry he was fighting blew out and it wobbled enough for Keith to stab through its neck and decapitate it, turning to the next two that were baring down on him, shooting wildly as they went.

“You crazy psycho!” Keith could hear James yell at him through the sound of gunshots, and it almost brought a wild grin to his lips.

It would probably be difficult to explain this was sort of how the paladins worked. Then of course there was the instinct from Keith’s time training with the Blade of Marmora, and with Krolia in the Quantum Abyss. After literally years of fighting, in Keith’s case at least, fighting against Galra sentries were like riding a bike.

Straight through a sentry’s chest and out the side before kicking it back to knock two more down like bowling pins, running to follow so he could decapitate them quickly before they could get back up. The rest of them were wobbling and tripping thanks to James’ key aim, making it effortless for Keith to dispatch the rest of them, standing in the middle of the metal carnage and kicking one of the dead robots off his sword as James stepped out from where he’d been crouching.

He gaped at the sentries as he walked up to join Keith, taking a step to the side when one of them twitched and shooting it in the head out of paranoia.

“Nice shooting,” Keith noted, and James gave him a somewhat bewildered look.

“Nice… whatever it is you just did, I guess.”

“Don’t look so surprised,” Keith offered, turning his back and bringing the render back up, “This was nothing. Eighteen hostiles dispatched. How many did Veronica estimate?”

“Between thirty and forty,” James answered, lifting his gun and sweeping the area slowly as he edged closer to Keith’s back, “What’s it look like?”

“Drones down the side street, but they’re not coming towards us.”

“Should we pursue?”

“No, let’s head deeper into the town. My experience has taught me that there’s always a source of power for the sentries and drones,” he shut down the map and started walking again, stepping over the dead sentries, “That’s why this is so weird to us. The paladins I mean, weird for Voltron in general. There are no cruisers within the solar system that they could be drawing power from, and as far as our reports have brought back, there are no signs of actual Galra activity. Still…”

“You think maybe one of them is in town somewhere?” James asked, looking over his shoulder at Keith, narrowing his eyes when he realized Keith was brushing his hand over one of the marked up walls of a building next to them.

“I don’t know, but it’s possible. Scan high as we pass through these tall buildings, I’ll watch the ground. Look for anything potentially suspicious.”

“I hate to say it, but everything about this is fully suspicious,” James mumbled, but he took Keith’s order to heart and lifted his gun up, peering through the scope as he scanned the upper floors of the taller business buildings.

They’d gone a few blocks uninterrupted, and it had Keith’s gut twisting dangerously, holding his bayard so tightly that his hand was shaking as his eyes scanned the road before him, “This is wrong,” he said suddenly, stopping so abruptly that James backed into him.

“What? Don’t just stop, we need to keep moving.”

“Doesn’t it seem the tiniest bit suspicious to you?” Keith hissed, turning to glare at the pilot, “We get caught by one grouping of drones and sentries, and that’s it?”

James merely huffed through his nose, still staring up at the upper building floors, “If you’re so worried, mighty paladin, then maybe pull the render back up. We have it for a reason.”

He said that, but when Keith brought the screen back up and scanned the area, he couldn’t see anything coming towards them, which just had him shaking his head. This wasn’t right, and all he could think about was that technology could be hacked, shutting the render down and dropping his arm as he straightened himself.

“Don’t talk for a minute, I’m going to try something.”

“What, you didn’t see anything?”

“I said don’t talk.”

“Well what the hell is going on? Veronica said there were at least forty of these robot fuckers, where are the rest of them? If they aren’t coming up on the render then maybe they marched off?”

“Griffin I said shut up,” Keith hissed, waiting for the lack of response he wanted before shutting his eyes.

It was one of the techniques he’s learned while training with the Blade of Marmora, with Kolivon and later Krolia. The world around him was black beneath his closed eyelids, but he could hear it, the beating footsteps, flashing images of marching sentries, and bile filled his mouth at the shock, barely able to swallow down the panic as he opened his eyes and lifted his bayard.

“We’re surrounded.”

“What do you mean?” but luckily Keith didn’t have to answer as shots from the Galra guns came blasting at them, destroying the ground around their feet, “Jesus fuck!”

“Griffin get to cover!” Keith yelled, ducking and grabbing James by the back of his shirt before practically over-handing him towards the side of the road where a line of broken down and overturned vehicles had been abandoned.

“Ah man what the hell is going on?” James demanded as Keith dropped down beside him, “What’s wrong with your stupid suit?!”

“I don’t know, the render isn’t picking up any of the sentries, so they ended up just surrounding us,” Keith rushed out, bringing the render back up as James lifted onto his knees and shot over the hood of the car, managing to shoot down four sentries before he had to duck back down.

“This is really bad…”

“It’s like they aren’t using a Galra energy source at all,” Keith was mumbling to himself, widening the map and zoning in on their location, “How many hostiles?”

“Too many, look I’m not the numbers guy, but this is probably the rest of the forty we were told about,” James said, “Got any plans, mighty paladin?”

“Probably,” Keith shut down the render completely and lifted his bayard back up, giving James a rather simple look, “Shoot down as many as you can without getting yourself hurt. I’ll take care of the rest.”

James just squinted, lips in a thin line, “Is that the whole plan?”

Keith shrugged and stood up, running around the car and lifting his left arm, shield forming from his bayard just as the sentries shot at him, managing to block the hits before swinging his arm aside and attack with a yell, cutting down two at once and spinning to the side to avoid getting a blast to the head. He bent backwards as the blast went off inches above his face, and the sentries head cracked into pieces before he could reconfigure to attack again.

Keith looked over towards James, who was kneeling down on the roof of the car with gun raised, smoke curling from the barrel and eyes narrowed but determined. Keith could have sworn he almost smiled at the other pilot, but was distracted by the other sentries coming at him.

It was a lot of enemies coming at him at once, even with James supporting him from the side as he utilized every lesson he’d learned from both Voltron and Marmora training. There were so many, way more than forty, for every sentry he cut down, two more appeared with a swarm of drones all shooting towards him at once. James could only do so much as he shot those out of the air before aiming back at the sentries coming at Keith.

They couldn’t just run, though, pulling back was not an option. Shiro put his trust in Keith to take care of this area, and he was going to clear it if it fucking killed him. Broken sentry bodies were littering the ground now, and as Keith stepped back, he felt his ankle roll with the sliding sheet of metal from a destroyed sentry. He fell, eyes gaping wider as he lifted his arm to bring the shield back up, a scream of frustration on his lips as shots came down on him from every angle. If this continued, then he really was going to end up getting killed there.

He hated this feeling, the adrenaline fading as he breathed out, tight brow evening as his entire being seemed to accept that he’d seriously fucked up. It was just another sacrifice, no big deal. He was prepared to shut down the shield, until a sentry close to him staggered, the side of its head blown open, wires sticking out and sparking from the destruction. Then Keith remembered that James was there, watching in awe as the pilot threw himself right in the middle of the chaos, swinging the butt of his gun against the same sentries head before turning on his heel and shooting down two more.

“Get up!” he yelled over at Keith without looking, “You’re supposed to be some all powerful paladin, aren’t you?! Don’t just lie there!”

Keith continued to gape at the man for a moment longer before he felt his determination steel inside his chest, scoffing as he rolled himself away from his position on the ground, bayard extending into his blade and swinging his arm to cut a sentry in half by the torso.

“Don’t underestimate me, Griffin, I was just testing to see if you were paying attention!”

James lowered his gun a fraction just so he could cast over an unamused, narrow eyed sneer, “Oh I’m sure.”

“What, you don’t believe me?” Keith called, “I’ve been fighting the Galra head on for years, you were the one who called me all powerful!” he laughed at his own attempt at teasing the other cadet, who just rolled his eyes and lifted his gun back up.

“Bold words for someone who was lying on his back five seconds ago! You’ve always been one to cause trouble, getting the entire class into some deep trouble with the teachers, and with Iverson. It’s like you enjoyed being stuck running drills in the simulators!”

Keith was backing up, staggering, tripping but managing to stay standing, sliding on his heels as a trio of sentries pushed at his shield, “What can I say, it was better than paper homework!”

He shut down his shield and let the sentries circle him, bending backwards and grinning as the blasts from their guns passed inches away. They shot each other without Keith having to do much of anything, straightening his posture and sprinting to help James, blade of his sword going through a sentries chest to keep it still as James blew off it’s head.

“You’re a damn menace,” he said as Keith dropped the sentry, but Keith just shrugged.

“Thank you, evidently it’s in my blood.”

James looked off to the side, the frown on his lips deepening as he noted the sentries backing up, though they kept their guns raised, encircling the two of them and pinning them in place.

“Great.”

“We’ll have to jump them,” Keith said, bringing his shield back up, “Can you shoot while running?”

“Yes?”

“Then run!” Keith let his bayard fuse back into the thigh of his suit so he had one hand free to grab James by the arm, yanking him into a dead run down the street, “Stay behind me!”

There was a line of sentries blocking their way, guns raised, and as they got closer Keith lifted the shield to deflect their shots, once again reaching back to grab James’ wrist, pulling him closer as they came up to an overturned vehicle.

“Jump! And hold on!”

“To what?!”

Not that Keith answered as he hopped onto the car, jet-pack and boosters on his calves firing, tightening his grip on James as he jumped, shield down to deflect the blasts aiming up at them as they flew over the sentries heads. James just screamed, a blend of shock and surprised, holding his gun out with his free hand to shoot at the sentries.

“Mother fuck!” James screamed, “They-they’re not following us! You lunatic!”

“Shut up and trust me for once!” Keith yelled back, and James turned his head to look at him.

“You’re gonna rip my arm off!”

“You want me to let go instead?!”

“No!”

“Then shut the quiznak up!”

“What the fuck does that even mean?!”

Keith didn’t answer as he struggled to maneuver them both through the air. It was hard enough to engage his jet-pack on earth with all the severe gravity, but having extra weight made it so much worse, and the thrusters kept faltering. After analyzing the area with a quick sweep, he located a building roof they’d be able to reach before his pack gave out completely, giving them a good position against the sentries, but before he could boost the rockets on the soles of his shoes, he heard a blaster shot and saw a flash of purple from the left, looking over just in time for the hit to grate across his back.

He felt it burn, felt and heard it when the rockets there cracked before breaking, and screamed as he and James began to free fall through the air. At the last second, Keith threw James in an attempt to keep at least one of them from crashing too hard, and held his shield up as he collided against the solid ground of the road.

Keith skidded across the concrete until his shield faded, throwing him sideways and rolling until he slammed up against an old taxi parked in the middle of the street, then fell back onto his face, a broken groan in his throat.

His helmet had flown off sometime while he was rolling, vision blurred as he peeled his eyes open to search for it. He found it a good few yards away, and further down the street James was pulling himself out of the broken remains of a newspaper stand, fumbling to grab his gun where it had fallen and looking towards where Keith had stopped.

“I told you not to drop me!” he yelled, running towards Keith as the black paladin began to push himself up, limbs shaking and straining in protest as he got to his hands and knees.

“Would you have preferred hitting the ground and full speed?” Keith called back, and James scoffed as he paused to grab the red helmet from the ground.

“Don’t be such a wuss, I thought you’d been through worse!”

“Doesn’t make this suck any less, Griffin,” Keith grunted as he managed to lift himself to his feet, knees bending from the work of holding the rest of his body up, right hand reaching over to cling to his left shoulder, which was aching badly.

His elbow was numb, fingertips tingling, like he’d ripped his shoulder from the socket before it was forced back into place during his crash to the ground. His body ached, he could feel something hot dripping down his temple, probably blood, and he couldn’t seem to get himself to walk normally as he shuffled to meet James. He could still fight, if he had to, but at this point it would be best to find somewhere to recover a bit of energy and try to contact the Garrison.

“There are too many sentries, this doesn’t make sense,” Keith whispered to himself, pausing when his gauntlet started to blink and lifting his arm with some difficulty, a red screen popping up to show the rendering of the city.

He could see his and James’ location on the street, but down an alley to the right he could see another blinking symbol. It wasn’t a sentry, but someone, or something, had shot them out of the sky, and that thought had sour bile on Keith’s tongue as he dropped his arm and forced himself to move faster, panicked when the image on the map started towards them down the alley.

“James, wait!”

The pilot had been dusting off Keith’s helmet, freezing just feet away from the alley, opening his mouth to ask why, but interrupted by the sound of a gun being charged. His head turned sharply to see what was happening, but his sight was blocked when Keith somehow managed to get in front of him, shield lifted up as the deafening sound of a canon went off, bright purple light hitting the shield at full strength, tails from the laser flying off the sides of the armor.

Keith grit his teeth and dug his heels into the ground to keep himself in one spot, but he was too late in realizing that his paladin shield wasn’t strong enough to deflect the shot completely. It shattered, and the blast hit his arm before splitting around it and shooting him directly in the stomach and his left side.

He could almost hear someone scream for him as his eyes met with a sickening yellow, teeth in a grin, decked in the Galran armor of an admiral or a commander, but he could only recognize so much before his vision blurred rapidly and he felt the earth tilt, throwing him backwards, sight going dark.


	2. Chapter 2

He used to be small, really small. All the clothes he would wear hung on him, as if they weren’t his, and his eyes always looked… faded, like a graying sunset that used to be purple. They were always lowered, he never looked anyone in the eye, and if he did, it was with a glare of distrust. James never really understood the kid, but back then he didn’t really care. Keith was just that extra child in the background who never looked at the camera during class photos, he was the one who didn’t exist until he accidentally walked past the wrong people; and James used to be one of those people.

There were times he’d overhear the teachers talking in hushed voices about Keith, but when he was younger none of what they talked about made any sense to him. He wasn’t able to comprehend the looks of pity, the way one would set a hand on their chest and sigh in somewhat exaggerated sadness.

“Such a shame, such a good man.”

“Just an idiot if you ask me.”

“What a selfish, selfish man.”

“He left such an unruly child behind, how are we supposed to deal with his attitude?”

“Maybe it’s just a phase.”

Even when his sister picked him up after school that one day, smiling when she spotted James but frowning when Keith left the school at a slower pace, “Oh, that’s him,” James remembered her muttering, hand near her lips, “What a cute kid, he… looks so sad.”

James just pouted as he stared at her before smiling, “Only cuz he’s got no friends!”

His sister hadn’t looked very happy about that statement, hands planting on her hips as she looked down at him, “Well someone needs to change that. Everyone needs friends. Can’t you imagine how lonely he is?”

James just looked over at where Keith sat on the bottom of the steps leading to the school, noting the way he scooted to the side as a group of kids rushed out of the doors.

“Hey, maybe I’m pushing you a bit,” James looked back as his sister crouched, a brilliant smile on her lips as she reached out to tussle the cowlick at the front of his hair, “If you were lonely, wouldn’t you want friends?”

“I have friends though.”

She sighed, “I guess you’re still too little to understand then. That’s okay. Just one thing,” she framed his face with both hands, squeezing his cheeks, “You never know what someone is going through, so be kind. That boy,” she looked over at Keith, so did James, “he’s a kid and already understands suffering.”

“Why…?”

“You’ll figure it out one day,” she stood up then, fixing the front of the uniform she wore, grinning down at him, “Let’s go home.”

Was this what she meant when she said Keith already understood suffering? It didn’t really make sense. Even now. This guy… he was the best pilot in class, he excelled in everything, he even had the approval of Takashi Shirogane, maybe the greatest pilot of the century. James remembered his sister idolized him, and James ended up following in her footsteps. Meeting Shiro at school that day, showing up to test possibly Garrison recruits, all James could think of was that he could fly with his sister.

He was good on the simulator. Then Keith just had to take a seat and blow everyone away with no effort at all. It… wasn’t fair. James managed to get a spot as a cadet, but he was still bitter about it. Stupidly bitter, he realized that now. He just wanted to make his sister proud, but this short ass mullet was getting in the way. She would rave about the cadets of course, including James, but he also tasted something bitter when she brought up Keith.

Keith was the only cadet in class that met the standards of a perfect pilot aside from James. Maybe it was more of a one sided rivalry. Back then Keith didn’t seem to care about a damn thing. He yawned during lectures and slept through class, while still getting perfect scores, as if he taught himself through the night because he didn’t like the teachers. There were only two classes he didn’t sleep through and actually seemed to care about, both classes they shared as they were both classed as candidates for future fighter pilots.

The first class was directly based about the fighter class, taught by the best fighter pilot the Garrison had produced in years. The second, of course, had been a course taught by Shiro. Keith always paid attention in Shiro’s class. He was on his way to becoming the next best pilot of the Garrison, the teachers all called him the best pilot of his generation, and it made James… so fucking mad, because he’d gotten this title without even trying.

Then the prick had to go and get himself expelled like an idiot, disappearing for seven years at least, and when he comes back? He’s the leader of Voltron, pilots one of the most miraculous war ships James had ever come across, battle hardened and much more level headed than he used to be. Now this, throwing himself in front of James as a human shield during a mission that was supposed to last less than half the day.

Why? Was it some stupid Paladin quirk to sacrifice themselves for no reason?

James could hardly see the oddly skinned Galra standing across the street, holding what had to be some kind of hand canon that shot the same ion blasts as their cruisers. Just from feeling the force beating against the air around him, he knew the blue shield Keith held wasn’t going to last, and when it shattered all James knew was that Keith was going to get hit and there was nothing he could do to help.

He grabbed the Paladin when he staggered back and started to fall, catching him around the shoulders before he could hit the ground and crouching down to get a better grip with his right arm as his left hand hovered. Keith seemed to lose consciousness instantaneously from the hit, the left side of the black shirt he wore beneath his red accented armor was torn, the edges charred, showing a deep gaping wound that poured blood. The gauntlet he’d been using on his left arm had been destroyed, the glove burned off and leaving bits melted to Keith’s skin, the sleeve torn at his elbow.

“Oh man,” James breathed out, head turning abruptly when he heard footsteps, gaping with teeth clenched as the Galra paced into the street.

“What’s this, a Paladin of Voltron? Must be my lucky day,” he lifted a hand, heavily bandaged, and it was the sight of those bandages that had James thinking the alien had been here since the last fight with Sendak.

He’d probably crashed here and had been stuck for the past few months.

“Who the hell are you?” James asked, reaching back for his gun and aiming it towards the Galra, “What do you want? Are you the one powering the robots?”

“With a limited power source, I’m afraid,” the alien answered, “My fighter was damaged in the crash, and the range of my distress signal can only reach so far. I’m lucky, you humans haven’t replaced those primitive satellites yet. Makes it easier to not get caught.”

“That’s why we can’t contact the Garrison here,” James murmured to himself, raising his voice to add, “Your signal interferes with our comms!”

“Took you a bit. I’ve been stuck here for months, trying to get a message to any cruiser close-by, but I don’t have the power!” he held his hands up, grinning widely, yellow eyes glinting, “But if I could re-purpose the Altean tech in that Paladin’s suit… not only could I return to the Fire of Purification, but I would be promoted the instant I drop his mangled body at Sendak’s feet!”

“Sendak is dead!” James yelled, “You’ve been out of touch with the war for a while, because it’s been over for months!”

The Galra’s smile was gone now, replaced by a wild expression James couldn’t really pick out through the pure yellow of his eyes.

“And one more newsflash, you’re not getting close enough for the Altean tech,” James added the final part on impulse, lifting his gun higher and shooting towards one of the buildings the Galra was standing beside.

It was already tilting on axis, with a single shot, it started to crumble, and the Galra turned sharply with a gasp. Thankfully distracted, James swung his gun onto his back where it hung by the strap across his chest, snatching both the broken gauntlet and Keith’s helmet before dragging Keith to his feet. Still unconscious, the most James could do was drag him across the street as the hostile creature behind him screamed in frustration, doing his best to avoid the collapsing building.

James managed to drag Keith behind a building before it started to get difficult to simply drag him, and he stopped so he could swing the gun off his back, shuffling around and struggling until he’d dragged Keith onto his back instead, the Paladin’s arms hanging limply over his shoulders and head cushioned against the back of his neck. It took a bit of maneuvering to get a hold of the busted Paladin armor as well as his gun, but when he had everything, and a good hold on Keith, James started to walk again.

“Can’t contact anyone, can’t get to the MFE’s,” James narrated to himself, eyes panning the area quickly for something, anything that could be useful to them, gasping a little in relief when he caught sight of a building in the distance.

It was tall, maybe the tallest in the town, and looked to be in good shape, amazingly. James started to walk faster, running as much as he could manage, which wasn’t easy while giving someone a piggyback ride.

“Damn you weigh a ton,” James panted, skirting around the perimeter of the building to search for a way inside, “Hang on a bit more, fat-ass, I’ll check your wounds when we’re somewhere more secure.

It took longer than James wanted to find a way inside, and he had to put Keith down in order to kick the door down, dragging the still unconscious pilot into the building before setting the door back up and shoving a table in front of it for some sort of extra security. He didn’t stop or even start to calm down until he’d walked almost ten flights of stairs, his legs aching under the extra weight.

When he was certain they weren’t being tracked or followed, he found the closest room and pushed it open with a foot, shuffling inside and looking around to make sure it was decent before stepping inside, closing the door with a click and immediately setting Keith onto his feet, turning to hold him around the shoulders so he wouldn’t just fall on his face and dragging him towards the window before lying him down.

"Can’t believe this,” James leaned forward on his hands once he;d gotten Keith settled, taking a moment to catch his breath with closed eyes, “This was an utter failure of a mission. It was supposed to be easy, why’d I get stuck with this kind of bullshit end game?”

He leaned back and sat on his heels, head tilting so he could look down at Keith, then looked down to check his own clothes, cringing when he noticed the large stain of blood on the left side of his suit.

“Right,” he breathed, unzipping the front of the jumpsuit and tying it around his waist to keep it from falling off, leaving him in just a white t-shirt and the bottom half of his MFE suit, then began searching his pockets for anything he could use to help stem Keith’s heavy bleeding.

Not finding anything, he stood up, stepping over Keith and rummaging through the room for supplies. It must have been a business building of some sort, the most James was able to find were some old shirts and a janitors uniform, but there was nothing else in the room. Unfortunately, James didn’t think it was a good idea to leave Keith lying there as he went exploring, so he settled for what little he’d found and hurried back over.

A dusty cushion from a broken armchair was the best James could do to pillow Keith’s head, taking a confusing moment to pull off the confusing armor covering Keith’s chest and shoulders and setting it aside before folding up the old uniform and pressing it down against the wound in his stomach.

“Okay, you’ve trained for situation’s like this,” James muttered to himself, pulling the cloth away for a moment to check the wound before tearing at the fabric around it to widen the gap and see the wound better, cringing, “Step one, regulate and stabilize condition of the wounded. Check over supplies, test communications, get my bearings. This is no big deal, not the first time I’ve been in a sticky situation.”

He pressed the cloth back against the ugly wound, lips evening into a tight line when Keith flinched unconsciously with a broken whine, “Haven’t been stuck with a moron before, but no big deal.”

It took a while to clean the wound. They had limited supplies, very little water, only a few protein bars for food, and the shirts James had found weren’t exactly the cleanest most sanitary bandages, but he made do as he carefully got a tiny corner of the cloth wet so he could clean the blood from around the wound, then pressed the folded shirt against Keith’s side before tying it in place with a second shirt that he tore into strips.

Keith’s arm wasn’t as bad as his side was, maybe because he’d had the gauntlet protecting most of him, but there were deep splotches of third degree burns covering the back of his hand and arm, and they couldn’t have felt pleasant. Cold water would probably feel fantastic on the burns, but they couldn’t afford to lose that much, so James settled on simply wrapping Keith’s arm with torn strips of old shirt.

James was rummaging in one of the pouches on his suit when Keith began to stir, cringing as his head lolled to the side, a confused mumble on his lips as his indigo eyes peeled open, the pupil incredibly small and almost cat-like. James almost freaked out, but they changed so quickly that he sat there for a moment wondering if he was going insane.

“You conscious?” James asked, watching the way Keith was staring blearily across the room at the wall, blinking at the sudden question and rolling his head to make it easier to stare up at James.

He looked sleepily confused, eyes wavering away from James’ face so he could stare up at the ceiling. James could see the wheels turning in his head, trying to remember what happened, before his eyes snapped wider and he bolted upright with a gasp that caught on a painful choke, hand flexing and grabbing at his side as he curled forward in on himself.

“Hey, easy, lie back down,” James grabbed his shoulders, pulling his lip between his teeth upon feeling the shudder of Keith’s entire body beneath his fingers, “Okay, take it slow, lie back.”

Keith didn’t protest much as James pushed him back, eyes pinched closed and teeth grit as his head fell back a little, and James curled his hand to the back of his neck to keep it up as he eased Keith back down to lie against the cushion. Keith still trembled, and James took another look at the sloppy bandaging he’d done.

The shirt had been soaked through with blood already, and they didn’t have much in the ways of bandages. There was really nothing else to be done, so James reached over to brush aside Keith’s hand, using his own to put pressure against his side. Keith protested that with a grunt, jolting against the ground and clawing the back of James’ hand weakly.

“I said take it easy already, you’re still bleeding, I’m trying to help.”

“What… happened?” Keith asked in a cracking voice, and James exhaled heavily through his nose.

“There was an actual Galra here, he was the one powering the sentries and drones,” Keith closed his eyes, free hand running over his face with a curse on his lips, “I think he’s using his broken fighter to power sentries as a safety firewall. We were so distracted by the bots we didn’t notice-.”

“I noticed,” Keith croaked, “I should have realized sooner. Quiznak… I should have pulled us after the first wave, Shiro and I should have realized. Damn it, damn it.”

“Calm down, there’s no way we could have predicted this.”

“Yes there is.”

“Okay fine, well you were the one too one distracted tracing blast marks in the sides of buildings to pay attention then!” James snapped, and Keith stared blankly at the ceiling like he was trying to remember when that happened, “Look, I think that freak beat you up enough for the both of you, so quit whining and try to fix it.”

Keith’s brow furrowed and he moved to sit up, only for James to push him back, “Not now, you idiot! Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

“What am I supposed to do then?”

“Let me handle it while you rest,” James ordered sharply as Keith settled back, looking frustrated, “I pulled us out of the street and into this abandoned building, so far they haven’t been able to find us. It’s been quiet.”

“Helmet,” Keith rolled his head one side, then the other, cringing as he reached out for his red helmet, “I… need to contact Shiro, tell him what happened.”

“Couldn’t you call your space war ship… thing?”

Keith dragged his helmet over with a grunt, “My head… I can’t think clearly. If we’re lucky it’ll just show up, but I can’t… concentrate. I need Shiro.”

James sighed and picked up the helmet to bring it closer to Keith, who attempted to push himself up again, wincing as he propped himself against the wall, taking the armor and pulling it over his head before lifting his left arm, cringing at the bandages and using the gauntlet on his right arm instead.

Keith managed to activate the visor over his eyes, which automatically scanned the room, zeroing in on James who was kneeling close to his side. Stats popped up automatically and Keith looked over them on instinct. Bruised ribs, likely from being thrown into a newspaper stand, but other than that no notable injuries. Keith was silently grateful for that bit of luck and turned his attention to activating the comm line in his helmet.

“Contacting the Galaxy Garrison, or Atlas, this is the MFE Aries Alpha team calling in. The mission’s taken a wrong turn and backup is requested along with an extraction,” white noise answered Keith, and he grit his teeth together, “Shiro, are you there? Lance? Pidge? Guys?”

More white noise, and Keith tugged the helmet off, dropping it before lying back down, running both hands over his face and into the fringe of his hair, “Damn it…”

“The canon blast probably interfered with the tech in your suit,” James guessed, picking the helmet up again, “Your left gauntlet is shattered too. It’s still working it looks like, but there’s just not enough range because of the interference from the Galra distress signal. Our comms, and his, are cancelling each other out.”

“So what do we do, brainiac?” Keith asked, eyes shut, and James seemed to consider it before his shoulders sagged.

“… I don’t know. I’m a fighter, not a nerd. Numbers aren’t really my forte. Maybe I can think of something given enough time to actually consider all our options, but right now we’re sitting ducks,” he set the helmet down and turned to lean against the wall next to Keith, pulling his knees close and crossing his arms over them, staring at the blotches of blood staining his fingers from his attempt at helping the Black Paladin.

“Fine…,” Keith said softly, seemingly losing energy, and James glanced down at him, fingers curling towards his palms, to see his eyes drooping, “If you can’t think of anything to get us out… we still have to finish the mission.”

“What, how do you plan on doing that?”

“I might be able to trigger something in my suit to set off the tech,” Keith mumbled, and James knitted his brow.

“You’re gonna blow yourself up?”

Keith just shut his eyes, “I don’t have the energy to get myself to the MFE out of town.”

“I’ll carry you.”

“Sure, for how long?” he sighed, head rolling away from James, “It’s fine, not like I haven’t been in this kind of position before.”

“A position where the only option is to be a martyr?” James demanded, and Keith’s eyes slid open.

“I’ve been in a lot of shitty situations… some of my training up there, taught me that sometimes… the good of the mission is a lot more important than my own well-being.”

“Bullshit, who the fuck trained you?!”

Keith laughed at the question. He had no intention of answering of course. Till now he and the others had managed to keep Keith’s heritage a secret from the rest of the Garrison, and the world. If they were to learn that he shared blood with the aliens that took so much, killed so many… he’d only just found common ground with Allura again. The idea of his own home world turning on him made him feel sick.

James settled back when it was clear the Paladin was done talking, lying his head back against the wall and staring at the cracks in the ceiling, wires sticking out from broken light fixtures that had long since stopped sparking.

“Be as rebellious as you want, that’s not how I do my job,” he decided, “I’m not leaving anyone behind, ever,” Keith just chuckled at that, and James turned to glare down at him.

Keith looked horrible. His face was pale, pasty, almost tinted purple and yellow, and there were dark rings under his eyes, lips chapped. He was just… just lying there, his hand against the bandages on his side, his breath uneven and probably painful. James just watched him, tensing when his eyes snapped closed and he started to cough.

“Hold on a second,” James turned onto his knees and picked the small canteen of water from where he’d set it, curling his other hand to the back of Keith’s head to help prop him up as he bit the top off the bottle, “Easy, drink slowly.”

Keith’s eyes were mostly closed, and he turned his head a tiny bit as if he wanted to protest any of the water, though in the end he accepted it, one hand lifting up and fingers curling weakly around James’ wrist, releasing him when he pulled the water away.

“Better?”

“… yea…”

“You should try and get some sleep,” James said, lying Keith back down, “I’ll keep thinking of ways to get out of this, and I mean ways we both get out of this. We can try to contact the Garrison again a little later.”

“Right.” Keith agreed softly, eyes closing, “Thank you.”

James stayed in place for a moment, hovering over Keith, until his breathing had evened out a bit, which relaxed him enough to sit back against the wall in the same position as before, arms crossed over his lifted knees and eyes on the ceiling. He felt helpless, the blood on his hands was heavy, and even though Keith didn’t exactly sleep long, or peacefully, it was agonizing to sit there in silence, unsure of what to do.

Keith slept for maybe an hour, his breathing even but ragged, until he started to flinch and groan, eyes snapping open and jolting up like he’d done before, eyes wild as the bayard formed into his hand, startling James into falling sideways as the Paladin swung the weapon.

“Whoa! Hey!” James hurried over to grab Keith by the wrist, holding his shoulder, “Calm down, you’re okay!”

Keith blinked rapidly, lifting his other hand to rub his eyes before squinting at the area in front of him, bayard fading after a moment and sagging back so James had to wrap his arm around his shoulders.

“… sorry…”

“It’s… fine,” James said, though he wasn’t really sure if it was fine at all, lying Keith back down, “How are you feeling?”

Keith seemed to consider the question, hand slipping over to feel the make-shift bandages wrapped around him, eyes narrowing a bit and lips evening into a tight line, “I’m fine,” he lied, and it was so obviously a lie, but James just rolled his eyes and sat back against the wall.

“Sure you are,” he huffed, arms folded as he stared up through the window beside them, at the graying sky and silver lined clouds, “It’ll be night soon, go back to sleep.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Bad dreams.”

James blinked and tore his gaze away from the sky to gape down at Keith, who looked even worse off than he had an hour ago. Even the tone of his voice sounded strange, and James reached out to feel his forehead, cringing as Keith rolled his eyes closed.

“You’re burning up…”

“Sorry.”

“What- don’t apologize,” James snapped, pulling his hand away, “Damn it all. We can’t stay here much longer, not with you like this,” he looked out the window, “Maybe we can make a run for it, I’ll carry you back to the MFE-.”

“No good,” Keith breathed, “Too far away, there are still sentries, I can’t help in a fight. We’ll never make it.”

“So you want to just lie here and die then?” Keith was silent as if he was actually considering the benefits of dying there, and James turned fully to glare at him, “For the last fucking time, I do not leave people behind. I don’t care what it is you Paladin’s do when one of you us hurt, I will never leave someone from my team behind.”

“Course we help,” Keith mumbled, eyes glassy, “Don’t be stupid.”

“You’re the one who wants to die here! Who’s stupid now?!”

“Loud.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” James touched Keith’s burning temple again, “Christ. At least you aren’t being a total prick right now. Though I think I prefer that.”

He reached for the water canteen, pulling the top off and setting it aside before propping Keith’s head up so he could pour the water into his mouth, “Drink.”

Keith reached a hand up to block the canteen, “How much water do we have? What supplies do we have?”

“Don’t worry about that and drink.”

“What about you?”

“I have some for myself,” James lied, but Keith bought it, lowering his hand and staring blankly across the darkening room as he drank.

James didn’t need water. He had food, that was enough, Keith was the one who needed the extra attention. At this point he was worried about letting Keith so much as sleep, worried that he might not wake up, so even if he wanted the idiot to rest, he’d have to try and keep him conscious, for a bit at least.

What was there to talk about though? James and Keith had never been friends, he was pretty sure they didn’t even have much in common. What right did he have anyway? He blew Keith off just that morning when he was trying to start a conversation, and now he was the one wanting to talk? What a hypocrite.

“What’s it like up there?” James asked, still kneeling, holding the canteen, one hand lingering against Keith’s forehead, “In space I mean.”

Keith opened his eyes, almost impossible to see through the dimming light, but James didn’t want to risk trying to light the room in case that Galra was searching for them. The accents of Keith’s armor glowed a dim blue, which gave light enough to still see his face, so that was good enough.

“It’s… not like I expected it to be,” Keith answered, “Lonely… big… but really… beautiful.”

“Lonely, but weren’t you with the other cadets, and those aliens?”

“For a bit,” Keith sighed, “There were… complications. I wasn’t always the Black Paladin.”

“… explain.”

“In the beginning, when we first came across the Blue Lion and found Allura and Coran, I was chosen to be the Red Paladin and fly the Red Lion. That’s… the one Lance has now.”

“I know what colors are, Keith. Why’d you change lions?”

Keith winced at the question, swallowing, “We lost Shiro.”

“… what?”

“He… chose me to lead if anything were to happen to him. He disappeared, after a bad fight. We found him again, but by then I had already taken over for him as the Black Paladin. Allura was the Blue Paladin, Lance red… but… I wasn’t ready to be a leader. I almost killed everyone because of how reckless I was. So I… left. I forced Shiro to rekindle his bond with the Black Lion, and when he’d taken his place again, I left to… train with some of our allies,” James was stunned to say the least, even more surprised when Keith lifted a hand to cover his eyes, lips twisted up, “I didn’t want to leave. I was lonely, but I didn’t want anyone… to leave because of me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was better that way. I wasn’t a leader, I wasn’t what Shiro wanted, so I left.”

“Keith…”

“After… I came back, and… I took over again, because this time I was ready… Shiro… stuff happened… almost lost him again. I’d rather die… and I was prepared to die, with him, but my bond with the Black Lion saved us. Somehow we managed to help Shiro, but he didn’t even make a move to take over again. He seemed happy to just sit back, and I didn’t want him pushing himself anymore as it was, so… I became the Paladin I am now, so he wouldn’t have to push himself and hurt more.”

“Keith… what happened up there?”

Keith was silent before pulling his hand down, revealing wet cheeks and un-shed tears rimming tired eyes, “Chaos. I’m not who I used to be.”

“No, but… I mean, the new you doesn’t suck as much as the old you. Old Keith would recklessly fuck around and get in trouble, cause problems for shits and giggles. New Keith, Black Paladin Keith, seems a lot more level headed.”

Keith frowned at that, “Thanks.”

James sighed, “Look, this situation sucks, but it’s an excuse to… apologize to you, before I forget,” Keith rolled his head to look at James, who sat back against the wall again, arms crossed over his knees, “Back then, I was kind of a mess, when we were kids I mean. There was a lot going on in my life that affected how I acted towards other people, and since I was just a dumb kid I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the damage my words could have, or the consequences of how I acted, especially towards you. My older sister tried to get the message across to me more times than I can count, that I was acting like a prick, but I really didn’t get it. I was a complete moron back then.

"It’s just… lashing out seemed so normalized to me. My parents, they weren’t exactly doting. Most of my life my sister was the one who raised me. My parents argued when they weren’t ignoring each other, a few times my mom would lash out at my dad, my dad just completely neglected me… all I had was my sister. I figure since I grew up in that kind of environment, things like arguing and targeting people had become daily occurrences to me, necessary actions, which is even worse. Plus, I’ll admit, I was threatened by you. That probably seems stupid, but…

"My sister, she was part of the Garrison. She was a fighter pilot, recruited straight from school like you and I were. It was her only chance to get away from our parents, and when she realized I might be able to get away and join her, she encouraged me to take the opportunity. I was just a kid so I didn’t realize why she wanted me in the Garrison so badly, I just wanted to make her proud, but when you came along with this innate talent for flight, I panicked. I thought I’d never have a chance because of you, I’d never see my sister again, and when I was accepted into the Garrison I was honestly stunned.

"I was in, but I still lashed out at you, I said hurtful things, started fights with you, and it took me years to really comprehend the negativity of what I was doing. I realized how damaging my parents were as I got older, realized how my sister was trying to protect me from them, realized just how much of a monster I’d been towards you, and I regretted it. I’ve regretted it for a while, but you just had to get yourself kicked out of the Garrison before disappearing for four fucking years, so I lost the will to apologize at all.”

James paused in his story, turning his hands up and rubbing a thumb over his right palm, “My sister… she was one of the best fighter pilots at the Garrison. When the Galra cruisers first showed up, Admiral Sanda sent out the fighters, including my sister… none of them made it back,” Keith’s eyes widened and James folded his arms across his knees, leaning forward, “I’m pretty sure my parents died sometime during the invasion, but I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care. I know… none of this excuses my actions, especially… what I said to you regarding your parents, but-.”

“It’s okay,” Keith interrupted, and James glanced down to see he was staring at the ceiling, “My dad… he was, um… he was a fireman,” the MFE pilot sat straighter, somewhat surprised, “He died in a fire, the roof collapsed on him… I had nowhere else to go so I ended up in a home, um… but it’s really okay. I mean… before the Garrison, I didn’t really think I was good at anything. My dad, he would always tell me I was special, that I was meant for great things, but when he died I stopped believing that. I thought I’d end up going down a road that would make him sad, that would disappoint him, but then Shiro came around, he… believed in me, gave me a second chance, and it’s because of him that I’m the Black Paladin, that I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere. The Garrison… wasn’t as much an escape for me as it was a haven. I wasn’t running from something or hiding, I was searching… chasing something… chasing Shiro.

"I gave up… when he disappeared during the Kerberos mission. I fell back to how I used to be, acted out even more and got myself booted from the program. Shiro… when he came back and we reunited, he never asked about it, and he hasn’t confronted me about getting expelled the way I had, but… I’m sure a part of him is disappointed in me. He stuck his neck out to get me a place in the Garrison after all, risked his own career to give me a chance at a future, and I just had to fuck it up.”

“Man, you didn’t fuck anything up,” James argued, “So you weren’t cut out for the Garrison’s way of life and training, so what? Even without graduating, without full course training, despite getting expelled, look where you ended up.”

Keith lifted his left hand to look at the thick blood staining his fingers, “Bleeding to death on the tenth floor of an abandoned building in the middle of nowhere with only my childhood bully for comfort?”

“No, punk ass, don’t make me hit you. I meant in general. You’re a good pilot, Keith, you’re the best of our generation, you were always the best in our classes, you’re a hundred times more skilled than I’ll ever be… your dad was right. You were born for amazing things, and you’re fulfilling a destiny beyond any normal human comprehension by piloting the Black Lion and leading Voltron. You’re not just the savior of Earth, you’re the defender of the universe, of all universes. You saved so many lives, you continue to save lives every day, and you call that a fuck up?!” Keith continued to stare blankly at the ceiling, though the tears that had been rimming his eyes had begun to flow over.

Making him cry was the last thing James wanted to do, frankly it was the last thing he ever expected to accomplish, and it certainly didn’t feel like much of an accomplishment. Keith was probably feeling sensitive enough because of his injuries, his blood loss and especially his fever, it’s likely whatever James said now would just make him cry more, but he had more to say, he couldn’t just let it go unspoken. This, especially.

“Your father would be proud of you,” James said, “and Shiro… he’s definitely proud of you. All those years ago, he brought some rebellious kid into the Garrison out of pure assumption that it would work out, and you turned out to be a hero he probably could only dream about. You’ve got to be a million times what he ever guessed you could be. You met his expectations and more, Keith. That’s not a fuck up.”

Keith shut his eyes, “Why are you even talking like that?”

“I’m a leader,” James answered, “It’s my job to reassure the people on my team. You’re a leader too, remember, shouldn’t you already know that?”

That brought a short, painful laugh from Keith, which ended in a dry cough that had him cringing, “I’m still getting used to the whole… leadership concept.”

James reached over without looking, setting a hand against Keith’s forehead, thumb caressing across his temple, “You’ll have plenty of time to really get used to it as soon as we get back to the Garrison. Till then, close your eyes again, rest. You’ll need your strength. I’ll keep thinking of how to contact the Garrison, but if I can’t come up with anything by tomorrow, we’re making a break for the MFE, and no, leaving you behind to go suicidal on the world is not an option.”

Keith exhaled slowly, shutting his eyes as he seemed to relax even more into the cushion beneath his head, “I’ll take your word for it. I’ve been through worse than this, so I guess it would be pretty embarrassing to just die here.”

“Worse than this,” James sighed, “You’ll have to tell me a story or two when we get home.”

“Depends on how long I’m going to be stuck in the infirmary ward at the Garrison. You might find it weird coming to visit me, considering our passionate rivalry against each other. People might think you’re trying to kill you, and just a warning, my team can be protective,” he chuckled gently, speaking next in a slow whisper, “Wait till you meet my mom.”

James lifted his head and glanced down at Keith, who’d fallen asleep almost instantly, and just… stared at him. As far as he’d always understood, Keith was an orphan through and through. To even mention his mom, especially after describing his father’s death? It… made James a bit suspicious, but at the same time he felt some kind of… electricity in his chest. Like pride.

He turned his head away, choosing to let the topic slide for now and simply let Keith rest, for as long as he could. Later, when he was on the road to recovery, back at the Garrison, then James could bring that whole “mom” thing up again, because he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t ridiculously curious. Even if Keith had only brought it up because of pained delusion from his fever, James wasn’t going to let it slide. Especially since it brought such a soft smile to the loners face.

“Rest. Try not to have nightmares. We’ll be home soon, you have my word.”


	3. Chapter 3

Nightmares had become pretty routine for Keith, ever since meeting Ulaz, quickly followed by the revelation of who, what, he really was. Those nightmares just got worse with every day that past in space, every battle, every sour look from Allura and attempt at comfort from Shiro’s gentle hand on his shoulder.

They seemed to get worse when Keith left the Castle of Lions to instead train with the Blade of Marmora. The dreams depicted darkness, death, and left him with a feeling of echoing guilt, panicked thoughts of I should’ve been there, why wasn’t I there, I could have helped. His terrors settled somewhat during his two years travelling through the Quantum Abyss with Krolia, but they still lingered even then, bringing him out of restless unconsciousness with a start.

Sometimes he would scream himself awake, once he even struck out at Krolia from pure terror. She didn’t blame him, of course, said it was okay, but he wouldn’t let her get near him for days after the fact, worried he’d go crazy from PTSD and hurt her again.

It seemed the dreams had just gotten worse since rejoining Voltron and taking a place as the Black Paladin. Ever since his fight with Shiro, and Lotor, and especially the war with Sendak back on earth, it seemed that every time he shut his eyes he saw destruction. He saw a world he couldn’t save, fires burning homes and destroying fragile families. Even though they’d managed to fix everything, he was still so scared of failing.

He got Shiro home and safe, but what if something else happened and Shiro disappeared again? They managed to defeat Lotor, but what if he was still out there, waiting, plotting revenge? Earth was safe and Sendak was dead, but what if more Galra cruisers showed up and Voltron couldn’t fight them off? The success didn’t matter, because Keith’s dreams were plagued by overthought fear of failure.

Being hurt the way he was now, causing a fever to settle in his body, made his mind even more vulnerable to the terrors of darkness.

James was blissfully unaware of Keith’s distress, as he was crouching beside the window, watching the sun rising in the distance before peering over the sill and down at the street, cringing when he noticed the sentries marching by. He quickly hid himself back in the room, holding his gun higher when a trio of drones flew by just beneath the window, letting out a slow exhale of relief when they were gone.

He’d been awake all night, moving from the window to Keith’s side the entire time. He wasn’t a doctor, but he was certain the Paladin’s fever had just gotten higher through the night. The shirt James had tied against his side had long been soaked through with blood, and frankly James was too worried and scared to check and see if the bleeding had stopped or not. All he cared to know was that they needed to get out of there, fast, because Keith needed a doctor. If he wasn’t treated properly…

James was yanked out of his thoughts when Keith literally jerked into consciousness, his body jackknifing into a sitting position as he gasped. He continued to gasp, as if he hadn’t been able to breathe just moments before, and James set his gun down so he could slide over to Keith’s side.

“Keith, take it easy, you’re okay.”

“No, no, no, where’s Shiro?”

The question had James blinking numbly, noting the pale haze in Keith’s wide eyes as he looked frantically around the room in a panic, “Y… uh.”

“Where is he? No, where’s Hunk? Where’s Shiro? Where is everyone? No, I have to-have to get to them!”

“Whoa. Whoa!” James grabbed Keith’s arms, moving in front of him as he tried to get up, “Keith, look at me, calm down!”

“We can’t just sit here, they need me!” Keith screamed at James, surprising him at the fact he could raise his voice like that, “I can’t leave them again, I can’t-!”

“Hey!” James squeezed Keith’s upper arms, leaning in close and fast until their foreheads had knocked together, “Listen to me, numbskull! Everyone is fine! Hunk, Lance, they’re fine, Gunderson and even that Altean chick, everyone is okay! The captain is perfectly fine! Are you listening? Voltron is fine, your team is fine, they’re safe!”

“You don’t understand, I have to be there,” Keith said, voice trembling, eyes wide, “I left them, I left them before and I-I can’t do it again. I left them, I almost lost them, you don’t understand. I almost lost Shiro, he was almost gone for good, I almost-.”

“Hey,” James lifted his hands from Keith’s arms and instead grabbed onto his face, fingers burrowing into the his black hair and squeezing his cheeks a little, forcing his head up so their eyes were locked, “You almost did, but you didn’t. Your team is alive and safe, all of them. I can almost guarantee they’re in better health than you, you colossal dumb shit. You’re the one stuck in a building bleeding to death, they’re probably worried sick about you.”

Keith’s unstable breathing was slowly starting to regulate, clouded eyes still somewhat glazed, though he was definitely calming down. James glanced down, teeth gritting when he saw fresh blood pooling around Keith. It was only small splotches, but clearing jerking up the way he’d done had restarted the bleeding.

“Lie down, you’re okay,” James soothed, helping Keith back down, “I’m going to get you out of here, got it? I’ll get you back to your team.”

Keith shut his eyes and James pulled his hands from his face, moving back to the window to ensure no one had heard the Paladin screaming while giving him a minute to collect himself into consciousness.

“Sorry,” Keith whispered vaguely, and James hummed.

“S'fine, understandable,” he looked over his shoulder to watch Keith rub at his eyes, “With the fever you’re suffering from you probably won’t remember a lot of this, which is super convenient.”

“How are we?”

“Well I feel great,” James said with false enthusiasm, “There are sentries passing now and then, but I haven’t seen any sign of that Galra from before. It’s been quiet, I think we might be able to make it to the MFE if we go fast. My only concern is how far you can walk yourself.”

“We won’t know until I try,” Keith grunted, pushing himself up and leaning his shoulders against the wall at his head, “God… this would be so much easier if my head was clear enough to call my lion. I can’t concentrate on anything, my head aches, feels… like there’s blood in my lungs or something.”

“It could also be the interference from the Galra’s distress signal,” James offered, “The micro satellites that Commander Holt shot up into the atmosphere have limited range as it is, they can only do so much until he updates them or the Garrison shoots a bigger dish to clarify signals.”

“I don’t need a satellite dish to contact my lion, James,” Keith sighed, “It’s hard to explain this, but they aren’t just ships. They’re… alive in a way, the Paladins of Voltron have psychic connections with the astral consciousnesses of their lions.”

“Satellite dish.”

“No, you’re not listening,” Keith poked his forehead, “I’m connected to my lion with my mind and my quintessence, not-.”

“No, no, Keith, the satellite dishes!” James moved closer and got to one knee beside Keith, “There’s a satellite dish on top of this building! We could hack into it, connect your helmet to the tech and boost your range of comm system to contact the Garrison!”

Keith stared somewhat blankly and unresponsively at James before his brow drew together, “But wouldn’t that Galra be able to locate us?”

“Who cares? If we can contact the Garrison it won’t matter!” he held his hands out and up, “Look, you’re not going to last like this, we don’t know if we can reach the MFE, and you can’t tap into the psychic link with your lion. We need to do something.”

Keith breathed out through his nose and reached over for his helmet and broken gauntlet, securing it best he could over his wounded arm before looking at James in the eye, his own a lot clearer than they’d been since he got shot.

“Help me up,” he said, and James gave a sharp nod, taking Keith’s right arm and pulling it over his shoulder, wrapping his left arm around his waist as Keith grabbed hold of his helmet with his left hand, cringing and clinging to James’ shoulder as they started to stand.

“Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Block the door,” Keith ordered once they’d stepped onto the roof and into the morning sun rays, pulling his arm from around James’ shoulder and reach over to hold his left side as he started for the satellite across the roof, “At least lock it somehow. Buy us time.”

“Got it,” James shut the door before he began looking around for something to jam it closed with.

Keith wasn’t a tech wizard, he certainly wasn’t Pidge, but after spending so much time around her, he’d learned one or two helpful things, falling to his knees and breaking open the panel at the base of the satellite so he could flip familiar switches and break off one of the wires, connecting it to his helmet and messing around with more knobs and switches until the blue light of his helmet flickered, prompting him to yank it on over his head.

“Reaching out for contact with the Galaxy Garrison or Atlas, this is Keith from the MFE Aries Alpha field team, please respond,” white noise met him, and he shut his eyes, listing forward and propping his forehead against the satellite.

He repeated the same phrase as James wandered over to join him, sitting down rather unceremoniously and propping his gun against his shoulder as he side-eyed Keith.

“Contacting the Galaxy Garrison… contacting Voltron… Shiro, it’s Keith, please respond… anyone?”

His body kept curling in on itself, and he pulled his hand from his side to look at the blood staining his black glove. It was almost hard to make out against the fabric, but it was slick and shiny, and made his vision swim at the reality that his injury was so much worse than he had expected.

“Shiro, this is Keith, are you there? Guys, please respond,” Keith pinched his eyes shut, clinging to his side, teeth gritting, “Damn this.”

“Keith,” James reached over to set a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t push yourself. Give it a minute, be patient.”

Keith gave a shaky exhale and sat a little straighter, “This is the MFE Aries Alpha field unit contacting the Galaxy Garrison, please respond! Shiro, please respond!”

“-eith? Keith, is that you?”

“Shiro,” Keith breathed, “It’s me.”

“Keith, thank god! We haven’t been able to contact you for the past twenty-two hours!”

“Has it been that long…?”

“You were cresting on the deadline with no check-ins, I was getting worried. What happened?”

“Bit of a delay, there were complications. We need backup and an extraction.”

“Why? What happened?”

“More sentries than theorized, and an unknown Galra soldier on the ground. He’s using the remnants of a destroyed fighter to cast out a distress signal to any cruiser passing, but it’s so weak we were unable to pick up on it. It’s been interfering with the communication in my suit so I haven’t been able to get a hold of you.”

“Are you both okay?”

Keith hesitated visibly, Shiro probably heard it, and he looked at his hand again, “I mean, define okay.”

“Keith-.”

“Griffin is fine, we’re both alive.”

“Keith, are you okay?”

“I’m alive, Shiro, but I can’t say for how long. I can’t call my lion, my head’s… my head’s a mess, we need help.”

“Damn it, alright. We’re going to lock in on your position and head over now.”

“Don’t overreact, just send Lance and Hunk, they should be enough. This is still a simple mission that can be handled by a small team, I just happened to trip up. I’m sorry, this is my fault,” James winced and looked over at Keith, “I wasn’t paying attention and got a little hurt, ended up putting the mission in jeopardy, and I apologize-.”

“That’s a blatant lie, captain!” James yelled, leaning into Keith’s space and slamming his forehead against Keith’s like he’d done before, only this time the helmet acted as a barrier between his head and Keith’s, “Keith jumped in front of me and took the hit in my place, he didn’t mess up at all! I was the one not paying attention!”

“Griffin, shut up, my injuries are my own doing-!”

“He’s lying again, captain, I can vouch for him saving my life!”

“Dude!”

“Okay, I’m glad you’re both safe,” Shiro said, amusement in his voice, “I’ll send out Lance and Hunk now. Are you sure things can be settled with them?”

“Yea, and don’t worry about me, Shiro, I’m fine. It’s barely a scratch-.”

“He’s lying yet again, captain, I’m requesting you send a physician with the Red and Yellow Paladins, your Black Paladin needs treatment as soon as possible.”

“James would you shut up?!”

“What are his injuries?” Shiro asked, sounding somewhat panicked and exhausted, like he already knew Keith was hurt and lying about his own condition, and James felt honestly smug at that.

“Suffering a fever in addition to a deep abrasion caused by the hand canon blast,” the smile fell heavily and his eyes shifted down to the sloppy bandages stained red around Keith’s side, “I did my best to stop what bleeding I could and bandage him up, but he needs medical attention as soon as possible. His condition is getting worse and he’s not gonna last much longer like this.”

“Understood, thank you.”

James just pressed his lips into a tight line, feeling tense, and looked up only for his eyes to clash with wide indigo. He’d almost forgotten he’d been leaning his forehead against Keith’s, only the glass visor of his helmet separating their faces. Keith’s eyes were wide in surprise, and James couldn’t be certain, but that discoloration across his cheeks looked a little like a blush, lips parted slightly as if he wanted to speak but couldn’t.

The MFE pilot jerked back, his eyes widening as heat lifted onto his cheeks, “Uh, no-no problem, captain,” he cleared his throat and turned away, reaching for his gun again as Keith dropped his head to stare at the roof.

“We’re… we’re on a roof of one of the buildings.”

“Hold your position, we’ll be there in two ticks,” Shiro said, and Keith nodded slowly.

He wanted to speak, to say something to James. Just then, the expression on his face, the guilt, was heavy enough that even Keith could feel it settling over him. James felt helpless, useless, and Keith could empathize with those feelings. Being a leader meant… reassuring his team, and Keith was a leader.

“Listen, James-,” but he couldn’t get anything else out as the door was broken down.

The sheet of metal that James had jammed into the crease of the door flew out, and a group of sentries flooded onto the roof. Keith caught sight of purple skin and yellow eyes, the Galra making his way to the front with the same hand canon he’d used before, and Keith squared his shoulders in fury as James scrambled forward, positioning himself in front of Keith without a moment of hesitation, down on one knee and gun raised.

The group didn’t attack immediately, which Keith decided was a good thing. They had to stall as long as possible until Lance and Hunk got there, so he reached his hand out to set on James’ shoulder, whispering to him.

“Don’t engage, Griffin,” he ordered, and James locked up, finger hovering over the trigger and teeth gritting.

“Keith? What was that just now? What’s the situation?”

He was still connected to Shiro through the comms, that was good, but he couldn’t make it obvious that he was talking to him, so he went for an indirect route, “How many are there, forty? Fifty? Surprising you can fit all your sentries on the roof.”

“Oh no; Lance, hurry it up! They’re cornered on the roof!”

“Ah of course they are!” Keith heard Lance in the background, and idly wondered if Shiro had tagged along with him.

That was kind of a pleasant thought, that he was worried enough to come here himself, but at the same time Keith wasn’t pleased. Shiro didn’t need to put himself in even more danger, especially because of Keith’s own mistake of underestimating the situation.

“Call if overkill, Paladin, but don’t worry, I have no intention of you losing your life,” the Galra spoke, “If I bring you back alive, all the better. Your friend, however, is in my way.”

“No shit,” James snapped, and Keith frowned a bit.

“He’s not really my friend, more like an acquaintance. Former school bully, rival, whatever.”

“Whoa bitch what?” Lance’s voice echoed, and Keith almost blanched at the fact he’d been insulted at the whole rival thing.

“Then what’s he protecting you for?”

“He’s always been a stickler for following the rules, and losing a team mate is clearly not on his agenda.”

“Hardly,” James agreed, “Now, why don’t you and your ugly friends get back through that door before you get yourselves hurt?”

“What can you do, human?” the Galra sneered, “With a primitive weapon that’s nearly useless against sentries, and a broken Paladin, you’d last twelve seconds, top.”

“That’s so inconsistent math there,” James noted, “Besides, I never said I’d be the one kicking your ass,” and as if on cue, the Red and Yellow Lion appeared overhead in a blast of air that buffeted across the roof violently.

The sentries shot at the lions, but the Galra kept his wild, violent eyes on Keith and James, teeth grit as he shoved Sentries aside and lifted his hand canon. Keith turned away and yelled into the comms.

“Shoot the roof up!”

“What?!”

“You’re both still up there!”

“You’ll get caught in the crossfire!”

“Not for long!” Keith yelled, breaking away the wire connecting him to the satellite and grabbing James around the wrist, hauling him to his feet and sprinting around the satellite, “Shoot it up, now! Don’t let any of them off, especially the Galra!”

“He’s charging the gun!” James yelled, “Where are we going?!”

“Jump!”

“Keith your fucking jet pack was blasted off!”

“Then I guess we’re gonna fucking die!” Keith yelled back, and despite how casually he said it, making James worry greatly for his mental health, he decided to just go with it.

They didn’t stop running, and when they got to the edge, they jumped, clinging to each other’s hand as the canon blast just barely missed them. James cringed midair as the lions made good on their word and let loose on the sentries on the roof, debris raining around them and dust enveloping them.

His grip around Keith’s wrist tightened when it occurred to him that they were actually falling through the air, and would absolutely die if they hit the ground like this. He whipped his head back and forth, searching the air wildly for something, anything to make the fall easier, a lightbulb flashing into existence when he caught sight of the drones baring down on them.

“Hang onto me!” he yelled at Keith as he threw his gun aside and reached wildly, grabbing one of the spherical drones.

It held their weight just barely, bobbing as it dropped fast before hovering again, the light blinking as if it didn’t know whether to shoot or shut down. When it flashed purple James assumed that meant he was going to lose his hand like that, so he let go just half a second before a laser shot out.

It was pure luck they were so close to the ground, but it still hurt like a fucking bitch when his back hit the concrete of the road, sliding across it for a few feet before coming to a stop, blinking as he stared up at the blue sky. He took a silent moment to assess himself, wincing from the sting at the back of his head and lifting it so he could cup a hand around, pulling it back to see red smeared across his fingertips.

“Ouch.”

A moment passed before he remembered his other hand was occupied, and he sat upright, looking to see he was still clinging to Keith’s hand, but Keith was on his side, eyes pinched closed in clear pain. The bandages had been torn off when they’d slid across the ground on impact, showing the bloody wound in his side that he was clinging to with his left hand, blood slipping between his fingers as he grunted lowly.

“Keith,” James got to his knees, left hand still clutched in Keith’s right, grabbing onto the Paladin’s shoulder and shaking him gently until his eyes peeled open, shifting to the side to look at James.

“Is it over?”

James looked up, his shoulders sagging as the two lions approached before touching down, then sighed and shut his eyes, “Yea,” he looked down at Keith, squeezing his shoulder, “Told you I’d get you back to your team.”

Keith’s lips twitched a bit, James saw the ghost of a smile, pulling his hand away from Keith’s so he could instead pull him upright to sit as the lion’s opened and three worried pilots ran down the ramps.

“Keith!” Shiro was the first to reach them, dropping to his knees on Keith’s other side as the Black Paladin managed to get the helmet off his head.

“I’m okay,” he assured, looking at Shiro and this time, he did smile, eyes tired but grateful, and it made James’ feel somewhat ill, “Thank you.”

Shiro smiled back, setting his left hand on Keith’s shoulder before looking over at Lance and Hunk, who stayed standing in front of them, “That’s the last time you go on a mission without us as backup!” Lance decided.

“Let’s get out of here before something else unexpected happens,” Hunk added, looking around.

“Right, we’ll send another wave in later to ensure everything’s been dealt with,” Shiro agreed, turning his attention to Keith and frowning down at the torn bandages on his side, “We need to get you to the Garrison now. I’ll be a crutch, put your arm around me, can you stand?”

“Yea, I’ll be fine,” Keith grunted, looping an arm around Shiro’s neck so he could cling to Keith’s hand, the prosthetic supporting the small of his back to ease him to his feet.

“Get his other arm, Lance,” Shiro ordered, and Lance quickly did as asked while Shiro looked at James, “What’s your status?”

“What? Status?” James stared blankly at Shiro before lighting up, “Oh! Sorry, no, I’m fine.”

“Can you fly the MFE back?”

“Yea, definitely, I’ll take care of it.”

“Good. Head to the infirmary when you return to get yourself checked out. Hunk, stay on him in case something else happens.”

“You got it, Shiro.”

Lance and Shiro then started to help Keith towards the Red Lion, leaving Hunk and James to watch, and James bent down to pick up the helmet that Keith had left on the ground, dusting it off pointlessly before looking at the trio hiking up the ramp into the lion. He probably imagined it, but he could’ve sworn Keith looked back at him, but then the ramp closed and the lion raised its head, eyes glowing before it shot off the ground, and James suddenly felt worry and panic crowd his throat.

“We should get going, I’ll carry you as far as your MFE so you don’t have to walk there,” Hunk said, turning, though he immediately paused in his steps to look back at the pilot, who was standing silently staring at where the Red Lion had disappeared, “Uh, you okay?”

“What?” James dropped his head to meet Hunk’s eye, then locked his jaw and tucked Keith’s helmet under his arm, walking past the Paladin, “I’m fine, just tired. Let’s go home.”

“Yea, let’s go home.”


	4. Chapter 4

It was an agonizingly slow journey back to the Garrison. Even the trip to James’ MFE seemed to drag on as he sat behind the chair in the yellow lion, red helmet sitting on his lap, tracing the red accents with his thumb and worrying his lip between his teeth as he wondered if Keith was alright. Was he sleeping, was he having another nightmare, was he still breathing? He hadn’t seen any medical personal exit the Red Lion, so had he gotten immediate attention once they’d brought Keith in, or were they making him wait even longer to get treatment?

Whatever injury James had sustained on his head when he’d hit the ground stung, he could feel the entire back of his head aching, but his concern over Keith’s condition overshadowed his own pain. He couldn’t pull on his own helmet once he’d gotten to his flier, it hurt too much, so he just left it off, keeping Keith’s helmet cradled on his lap as he flew in the direction of the Garrison, pushing the MFE as much as he could without overworking it. Hunk stayed close, flying just above him, but he broke away when the Garrison was in sight so they could both set down in their individual hangers.

James wasn’t surprised to see his team crowded in the hanger with Veronica and a few others, but he let out a sigh as he grabbed hold of the red helmet and stood up, managing a smile when Rizavi and Veronica took initiative to bolt forward, Kinkade and Leifsdottir lingering at a slower pace, more to give James space than anything; he could see in their gazes how worried they were, which was a nice thing to return home to.

“Griffin, are you okay?” Rizavi asked as she stopped abruptly, upper body jerking forward a bit from the momentum of sprinting towards the fighter, “Captain Shirogane left so fast I thought we were getting attacked again! He looked like he’d seen a ghost!”

“Lance had such a serious look on his face,” Veronica added, eyes wide, “I almost never see him with a face like that, like he was about to shoot someone.”

“I’m fine,” James answered, hopping off the wing of the MFE, reaching up to grab the edge of it in order to steady his stance when his legs wobbled under him, “The mission took a turn to the left, we ran into some problems, but it’s been taken care of. You three stay sharp, the Captain wants to send a wave to ensure things have been dealt with, he might send you.”

“What about you?” Rizavi asked, “You’re paler than normal.”

“Haven’t slept, been kind of on edge,” James explained, free hand moving to hold the back of his head, threading through the matted hair but not pulling back to see any of the blood he knew was smearing across his fingertips.

“Is that Kogane’s helmet?” Leifsdottir pointed to the Paladin armor, and James cringed a bit.

“Yea. Did you see him get in yet?”

“Well we know the Red Lion is back, but we’ve been waiting for you,” Veronica answered, lifting the tablet she’d been holding under her arm, tapping at the screen, “It looks like he’s been admitted to the infirmary for a number of things, but they’re still assessing his condition.”

“Oh, man, seriously?” Rizavi turned and leaned towards Veronica to see the screen of her tablet, “Dude he seriously messed up on that mission.”

James flinched at that, grip tightening on the helmet as he started to walk forward, keeping his hand against the back of his head, “I’m heading over there now. Captain wanted me to get checked out.”

“You got hurt?” Veronica asked, and James pulled his hand back to offer it out, presenting the blood on his palm and fingers and feeling guilty for the wide eyed stares he got in response.

“I just hit my head a bit,” he tried to fix his obvious mistake, shoulders hunching as his team circled him, fighting the urge to swat away Kinkade when he folded up a towel that had been around his neck to press against the back of his head.

“What the hell happened out there?” Rizavi asked, taking one of James’ arms and pulling it around her neck, her arm going behind his back to support him as Kinkade kept the folded towel against his head, his other hand gripping his shoulder.

“I fell. I mean I kind of jumped off the roof of a twelve story building. Grabbed one of those drones on the way down so we didn’t get crushed on impact,” he snorted, “Now that I think about it, it was sort of awesome.”

“There’s no discrepancies in the movement of your pupils, mild concussion if anything,” Leifsdottir noted as she flashed a light in both James’ eyes, “Stitches may be necessary, you need to stay hydrated and relaxed, head injuries tend to bleed profusely no matter how big or small they are.”

“They’re probably going to keep you overnight in the infirmary,” Veronica warned, stepping to the side so the trio of pilots could head for the door.

“I don’t mind. Keith’s probably going to be stuck there for a week.”

“What even happened?” Rizavi asked, but James locked his jaw and dropped his eyes down, uninterested in answering the question.

He really didn’t want to think about it at all, how he’d been so stupidly distracted with Keith’s helmet that he hadn’t even heard the Galra approach. He probably would’ve been killed if Keith hadn’t thrown himself in front of the blast. His shield, even if it had broken, and the arm he’d held up, probably saved him from the full force of the hit. The gauntlet on his arm managed to get him away with only burns, but the wound in his side was still severe, and even a fever could be detrimental to someone’s health. Plus the pressure to his mind, all the nightmares.

“James,” he blinked and lifted his head, suddenly aware they’d stopped walking and Leifsdottir was standing in front of them.

“What?”

“What happened out there?”

“Oh,” James breathed, shaking his head a little, “I… don’t know how to answer,” and he really didn’t want to.

The blonde gave a hum and turned around again, leading the way, “We’ll ask again when you’re feeling better.”

“I’m feeling fine.”

“Sure.”

“Really, I mean my head hurts, bu-,” his words cut off and he looked to the left when he felt someone trying to pull the helmet from his grip, “What are you doing?”

Veronica gave him a confused look, “I was bringing this back to Lance.”

“What for? I can carry it fine, I didn’t break my hand.”

Veronica let go and held her hands up defensively, eyebrow curved in clear confusion, watching with just her eyes as James was lead down the hall before shrugging to Leifsdottir and following. None of them bothered to ask why he was clinging to the helmet, even when they’d gotten him to a room in the infirmary for a doctor to look over, and none of them tried to take it from him a second time.

“Do you want us to stay?” Rizavi asked, and James gave them all a smile.

“I think I can handle getting stabbed with needles alone, thanks. Oh, would you do me a favor though, check on Keith? I want to know if he’s okay.”

Again he was given somewhat blank stares, but Veronica nodded, “Sure, we’ll be back in an hour.”

They left after that, James set the red helmet beside the bed, accepting the change of hospital garbs offered to him. He was grateful for the shower and the clean clothes, grateful that it didn’t take long for the doctor to patch up the back of his head. No stitches were needed, thankfully, but a large bandage had to be wrapped around his head to keep it in place. Smaller bandages were wrapped around the busted skin of his knuckles, and an ice-pack was given to him for his bruised ribs.

“We’re going to release you tomorrow afternoon in exactly twenty-four hours, but for now lie down and rest,” the doctor ordered as he flipped through papers on his clipboard before hanging it at the foot of James’ bed.

“Sure, I can’t wait to sleep,” he joked dryly, settling against the pillows and folding his arms, “Do you have any information on Kogane’s condition?” he asked before the doctor reached the door, body tightening up when uneasy eyes met his.

“Currently in surgery.”

“Surgery,” James repeated, leaning forward when the doctor opened the door, “Wait, why’s he in surgery? Hey!”

The door shut, closing him into the room, and he could taste bile wash across his tongue at the pure panic from the doctor not explaining anything further. How was he supposed to relax after that? Why didn’t the man expand on the situation? Did he not think James was allowed to know? Did he think he’d worry him more? Did he… did he maybe not tell James because he figured Keith’s condition was… his fault?

It was, it definitely was, but he was the dumbass who jumped in front of a gun in the first place! James had done his best to look after him in the aftermath, and sure he’d done a pretty bad job, probably made the wound worse by covering it with dirty bandages, but he was alive, right? James groaned in frustration as he flopped back, hands coming up over his face.

“I need to take a medical elective next semester.”

His head was spinning badly, otherwise he would’ve jumped from the bed and started demanding answers when the door opened, but he was level headed enough to know that was a bad idea, and willed himself to relax when he recognized the people who walked into his room next. Veronica and Hunk, who was still in full armor.

“Hey, what’s going on?” James asked, leaning forward as Veronica paused beside the bed.

“It looks like your condition is stable,” Veronica answered, holding her tablet for James to see, “Contusions to your ribs, abrasions to the back of your head-.”

“Not me, what’s going on with Keith? The doctor said he was in surgery?”

“He’s fine, I mean he will be,” Hunk was the one to answer, “I stopped by there before coming here, Shiro and Lance are waiting outside the room.”

“There was some minor internal bleeding in his stomach, so they had to put him under to fix it, but he shouldn’t be in long. Third degree burns on his arm, deep wound burned into his side. There’s a lot of dead tissue and infection, and with his high fever they were worried about putting him under, but they had no choice. They couldn’t leave the internal bleeding unchecked.”

James felt sick, Hunk seemed to notice, because he quickly added, “But he’s fine though, really. Keith’s tough, he’s been through worse. He’ll be better in no time.”

“I’m sorry,” James said, hands clinging to the sheets on his lap.

“It wasn’t your fault, things like this happen.”

“It was my fault,” James sighed, “He jumped in front of me to block the shot, but his shield shattered and took the full force in the end,” he lifted a hand and buried his fingers into his hairline, eyes closing, “Damn it.”

“Well, if I know Keith, he doesn’t blame you or anything,” Hunk said, picking the red helmet up from the side table where James had set it, “In fact he’d probably get annoyed if he knew you were blaming yourself, that’s just how he is. Doesn’t like worrying people, keeps to himself, holds up walls and only lets like, one person in to see any sort of vulnerability.”

That definitely sounded like Keith.

“I mean, he’s opened up a lot since we all became Paladins, but he’d still get pretty upset if he learned you were beating yourself up over what happened. One of the very first things we learned when we started training was that if you didn’t protect your teammates, then in the end there would be no one to protect you. We work as a unit, protecting each other, it’s become second nature to us, and I’m not trying to say Voltron is better or anything like that, but when you’re in a really dangerous position for a really long time, bonds get stronger because they have to,” Hunk cleared his throat a little, “So, what I’m saying, Keith protects his teammates because he wants to, needs to, plus he’s the leader of Voltron, so he’s probably ten times more protective than the rest of us, besides maybe Shiro. Although, no, he might even be more protective than Shiro, I mean Keith’s gone to the edges of the galaxy to protect Shiro, but that might just be because it’s Shiro-.”

“Hunk,” Veronica tilted her head a bit, “I don’t think you’re making him feel better.”

“Oh, sorry,” Hunk rubbed the back of his head, “Well, look, he doesn’t regret it, and he’s going to be okay, so just… if it’ll make you feel better, just think of how to repay him later on when you’re both healed up,” he held the helmet up, “I need to bring this to Coran and Allura to repair, you should get some sleep, and one last thing, Officer Griffin, thank you for looking after Keith,” he was at the door now, smiling over his shoulder, “Shiro and the others might come in to thank you later, but I don’t know about Lance, he’s in a pretty bad mood from all of this.”

“You guys don’t have to thank me, I hardly did anything,” James argued, and Hunk turned in the doorway.

“Well, from what Shiro said, Keith was pretty conscious when they were in the Red Lion, and he was liberal in explaining what happened, including how you carried him to a building and up a few flights of stairs to safety before patching him up and looking after him.”

“That’s what anyone would have done,” James mumbled, and Veronica smiled at him.

“Just accept the thank you, Griffin, and get some rest,” she turned to follow Hunk out, “I’ll stop by later to see how you’re doing, but you’re going to be stuck in bed for a whole day, so you might as well take advantage of it and sleep as much as you want. You did a good job, be happy.”

The door shut, James was alone again, and he dropped his head with closed eyes, “Then why do I feel like I seriously messed something up?”

James thought he’d never get to sleep, but when he leaned back and really relaxed into the soft pillows, his eyes shut and he passed out. He was deep in sleep when his three teammates inched into the room to check on him. Kinkade pulled the sheets and blanket higher over him and Rizavi dragged two chairs over to the left side of bed so they could all sit and wait, but James was definitely tired, and stayed asleep until late that night.

By then, his team were the ones who’d gotten tired. Rizavi had her arms crossed on the side of the bed closest to James, head cradled in them, and Leifsdottir had commandeered her own pillow, though she was leaning over the side of the bed like Rizavi was doing, sitting in the chair beside her. Kinkade was a bit less elegant, leaning back in his chair on the right with his chin on his chest, arms folded, eyes shut. James was a bit surprised when he opened his eyes to see them, but it brought a smile to his lips and he reached out to pull the glasses off Rizavi’s face.

When he leaned back the frown returned, staring at the ceiling as he wondered if the Paladin’s were all with Keith like this, sitting close to his bedside with their head’s cradled in their arms, using each other as pillows, worried sick and waiting for their leader to wake up again. He wondered if his mom was with him, if Shiro was pacing in worry, wondered if Keith was even out of surgery yet.

James wanted to get up, to check on him, but with the prospect of the Paladin’s circling Keith’s bedside, he figured it would probably be better to wait. He wasn’t scared of them or anything of course, but Hunk did mention Lance was peeved about the situation, and James figured showing up might instigate something. Not to mention, Kinkade was not a heavy sleeper, so if James even tried, the other pilot would probably lift his head like a phantom and just stare James down until he hid back under the covers.

Yea, it was probably better to wait for the morning, maybe give Keith a chance to wake up.

He didn’t wake up the next morning though, and he stayed unconscious the entire day. James did his best to entertain himself by telling his MFE pilots what happened in as much detail as possible without making himself uncomfortable, repeating his mission report to Shiro when he came in to check on him a few hours before the infirmary released him. He asked how Keith was and Shiro’s smile was forced.

“He’s okay. Surgery was successful, but they induced a mild coma to help the healing process. He lost a bit of blood and the fever was definitely a concern, but he’s out of danger as of now and should hopefully be waking up soon.”

“I’m sorry, Captain, this is my fault-.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not like this has never happened before,” Shiro tried to reassure, “Keith can be reckless, and it’s a Paladin’s code to watch each other’s back. He was doing his job, and you did your part by keeping him safe in the aftermath until we could reach you.”

“Still… you’re all probably worried.”

“Well, yea,” Shiro shrugged his shoulder, “but we would worry either way. Don’t beat yourself up over it, Keith will be back to normal in no time at all. He heals pretty fast.”

James tried to take his advice, tried to keep himself distracted once he’d been let out of the infirmary, but it was a pretty pointless attempt. He couldn’t concentrate on anything, picked at his food, didn’t even try to keep up with conversation around him. If he could just see Keith awake, he’d be able to go on with his daily life, but he was still unconscious, still sleeping, and James was losing his mind.

He was so frustrated and worried that he ended up pissing Lance off the one time Shiro brought him to Keith’s room, as he was so emotionally drained from everything the only thing he could think of to do was lean over the bed and yell directly into Keith’s face, “Wake up you little shit.”

James left after that, he didn’t really have a choice, and the door shut behind him with Lance’s words following him all the way down the hall, “You’re the whole reason he’s like this in the first place you selfish prick!”

As if James didn’t know that already…

A few more days passed before Keith finally woke up, but James didn’t hear about it until noon, when Veronica came searching for him, finding him in the MFE hanger, where he was sitting on the wing of his fighter with a tablet in hand. When Veronica got closer she was able to recognize that what he was flipping through was the hastily put together manual of the MFE fighters, given to each of the four pilots to study and familiarize themselves with, in case of emergencies.

All of them had read and reread the manual more than once, Veronica knew that better than anyone, but she only wondered why James would be reading over it yet again for a moment. She knew why, and hoped the good news she was bringing would pull him out of the silent slump he’d been in for the past five days since returning from his mission.

She and the other MFE pilots had picked up on James’ sour mood immediately when he woke up after getting his head wound treated in the infirmary. He would stare off at the wall or ceiling with a blank expression, eyes somewhat hazy and empty, and when his team would pull him back to the present he would jump. James was too quiet, too distracted, he was messing up drills and crashing the simulators, which was so entirely out of character for him.

“If you’re not too busy reading about the molecular composition of the Altean tech combined with Earth mechanics and how the faunatonium that Coran brought us functions with the more primitive engine power source, I have some news for you.”

She smiled smugly at the way James jumped and jerked sideways, lifting his arm up like he was trying to shield himself, and folded her arms behind her back, standing straighter while James settled down, lowering his arm.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“It’s your own fault for not hearing me come in,” Veronica defended, “Keith’s awake, I figured you’d want to check in on him.”

“He is?” James’ eyes widened, and he set the tablet on the wing of the fighter before jumping off to stand next to the analyst, “How’s his condition?”

“Stable, much more stable than he was when Lance and the Captain brought him in. You were already worried as it was, so I didn’t want to make it worse, but they brought him into surgery twice to correct the internal damage. He’ll have a nice scar, but he should be okay.”

“That’s good to hear,” James said on a relieved breath, “Is he in any pain right now? How’s his head? He was pretty out of it from his fever, every time he shut his eyes he just had nightmares-.”

“James, please,” Veronica reached over to pat his shoulder as they walked, “Have a little faith in Garrison medicine,” she pulled her hand back and looked at the watch around her wrist, “I bought you about fifteen minutes to talk to him, maybe longer, depending on if my mom catches Lance while he’s in the apartment looking for my keys.”

“Your keys?”

She rummaged in her pocket before pulling out a ring of keys, holding them with one finger, “I can’t exactly blame him or the other Paladins for worrying, but if Lance isn’t in the room then Hunk or Miss Holt is. Right now Keith is alone. The Yellow Paladin is visiting family while the Green Paladin is upstairs with Commander Holt, that princess Lance is sweet on, and a few of the engineers. Captain Shirogane had to step out for routine work, so Lance was the only one still lingering by Keith, lazing around essentially, and it looked like Keith was getting his energy drained just from Lance’s presence, so I asked him to do me a favor while I babysat his injured leader.”

“So… you tricked him out with keys?”

Veronica shook the keys to make them jingle, “Worked when he was a baby, too,” she then slipped the keys back into her pocket, stopping when she reached the door to Keith’s room, “I know you’ve been worried, all of us have noticed. I don’t know if talking with him will help you at all, but I’m not dumb, and I’m pretty sure nothing I say will make you feel better about the situation. You have to hear it from him,” she nodded for the door, “I’ll keep Lance busy as long as I can, just don’t push the guy too much. He’s on the road to recovery, but still weak, he’ll probably tire out quickly, what with having to deal with Lance for most of the day.”

James opened and closed his mouth before nodding, “Understood. I really just… want to see him, see for myself he’s okay.”

“Go in then,” Veronica said, turning to leave, “Oh and James? Don’t mess up.”

James watched her leave, one eyebrow arched in clear confusion, not at all knowing what she meant. Mess what up, exactly? Damn that woman was a mystery, but she was admittedly way easier to deal with than her unpredictable brother. There wasn’t much use pining over that now, though, and he turned to the door, reaching out to the hand panel beside the door.

He only hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should even show his face considering he was the reason Keith was in this position in the first place. The he remembered the lack of hesitation on Keith’s face when he sprinted for James, willingly putting himself between James and the business end of a Galra hand canon. Keith showed no ounce of fear back then, and here James was worrying over a little conversation? Definitely lame.

The door opened to a hospital room lit up by fluorescent lighting as well as the midday sun that shone in through the windows across the room, the curtains drawn back to let in more of the light. The head of the infirmary bed was propped up, allowing Keith to lean back comfortably while staying upright, blankets pulled up to his waist and arms folded loosely in his lap. His right arm was bandaged thickly, even his individual fingers had been covered, but James couldn’t see the bandaging that was likely padding around his stomach.

Keith’s head was turned towards the window, eyes closed, but they opened at the swishing sound of the door, recognition lighting up his tired eyes when they landed on James.

“You’re looking better,” James noted, “How’s your stomach?”

Keith’s hand moved to hold his stomach, head rolling again and lifting his left arm, where an IV had been stuck in the back of his hand, though hidden from view because of the bandaging, “Can’t feel it with all the drugs they’re pumping into me.”

“That’s a good thing. Better to be numb than in agonizing pain like you were before,” James said, entering the room and letting the door slide closed behind him, “How about your arm?”

“Itches,” Keith tugged on the bandaging with an annoyed pinch of his nose, “I got yelled at when I tried to scratch at it though.”

“No kidding,” James walked around the bed so he could be on Keith’s left side, taking the back of one of the chairs that had been positioned around the cot and dragging it closer, turning it around so he could straddle the seat backwards, arms folding over the back of it, “Your head?”

“Griffin, I’ve been bombarded by "are you okay” questions from the moment they got me on the Red Lion. I’m alive, so I’m fine.“

"Sure, that’s why you took your sweet time waking up,” James agreed, chin sitting in his cupped hand, “Guess that’s not really your fault though, is it?”

“Medically induced coma to promote healing,” Keith said, “Like they did to me after the fight with Sendak.”

“It’s like you were born to get more busted up than the other Paladins,” James said in a teasing tone, and Keith gave him a narrowed eyed side-glare, “All joking aside, everyone’s glad you’re awake. Can’t tell you how worried that team of yours was.”

“Oh I’m aware,” Keith waved his right arm to motion at the seats crowded around his bed, settling his hand back over his stomach once he’d made his point, “I don’t think any of them slept, or did any work, which just bugs me because it means more work for me when I get out of here.”

“Captain Shirogane and Veronica haven’t been slacking, if it makes you feel any better about the workload,” James said, “and that alien princess too, she’s been working with Commander Holt and that dude with the mustache, something about more designs for Earth and Altean weaponry. Not just integration,” he held his hand up, “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening when Lief was goin’ off about it.”

“Yea. She wasn’t here when I woke up, but she stopped by earlier to check in on me and drag Pidge away for extra help. Hunk and Lance stayed the longest, but Hunk had something with his parents he needed to take care of, and Veronica came in a bit before you showed up to goad him into an errand.”

“She mentioned that when she came to tell me you were awake,” James hummed, chin sitting on his left forearm, staring down, at the folds in the blanket draped over Keith, “Lucky break on my part, I don’t think your Red Paladin likes me much. Wouldn’t let me check in on you. Captain brought me in a few days ago, but it ended with Lance snapping at me like a rabid dog, so I had to leave.”

“Sorry about that,” Keith frowned, “He can be… I mean, he’s normally a good humored guy, but he can get really mad about this kind of thing,” he blinked up at the ceiling, “Maybe it’s because he has a big family as it is, he’s easy going in general until something threatens that big family. You should’ve heard him snap when Pidge was nearly tortured. He was cuffed, we all were, but he threw himself at those two and got kicked across the room. Then there was that one time when this all started, he got himself blown up protecting Coran.”

“… dude what the hell…?”

“I mean, I’m just saying,” Keith closed his eyes, “Lance can be touchy if his friends are in some kind of discomfort.”

“Translation, try to deal with it,” James muttered, snorting, “Right,” Keith winced a little, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, and James lifted his head a bit, “You in pain?”

“Just stings a little,” Keith answered, head rolling so he could cast his gaze to James, “What about you? You were pretty bruised up from me throwing you into that newspaper stand.”

“Yea, that was fun,” James scoffed, then reached to the back of his head to feel the sore area, “Ribs are fine, but they’ll take a few more weeks to fully heal up. I got lucky. I hit the back of my head when we fell off the roof- I mean jumped off like suicidal nut jobs- but that’s fixed up, it’s just sore now.”

“Good to hear that,” Keith said, and his lips curved into a soft smile, an actual smile, one that legitimately reached his indigo eyes, and for a minute James was speechless.

Keith didn’t smile much, it was a remarkably rare occurrence, so rare that catching even a glimpse gave James the same elation as if he’d seen an endangered animal, or a meteor shower, or maybe a cute dog. More often than not he would give indignant smirks, but those didn’t really count as they never reached the mirth in his eyes. James had seen him smile before from a distance, once or twice since he’d gotten back, those smiles that made his eyes seem deeper than they were, but those smiles always seemed to be reserved for Shiro.

James had decided they were something rare to treasure whenever they were seen, even if they weren’t directed at him. Now, though? One of those incredibly rare, soft smiles, was actually being directed at him. James leaned back a bit and glanced over his shoulder, just ensuring Shiro wasn’t standing there, then looked back at Keith, who’d dropped the smile and was giving him a look of pure confusion.

“What are you looking at?”

“Uh,” James pointed over his shoulder, “Well nothing, I just thought… someone was behind me.”

“Why?”

“I’m… I don’t know how to answer that,” Keith rolled his eyes, then his head, and James winced when he realized he’d lost his chance to enjoy that smile, “Sorry, just… well I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Starting to at least, though I don’t feel like myself yet,” Keith hummed, rubbing his hand over his stomach, “It’ll be nice when I can stand up and do my job again.”

“Do you know how long they’re keeping you?”

“God,” Keith exhaled, hand moving to cover his eyes, “I don’t think I want to know. Weeks? Evidently I got pretty torn up inside,” his hand slid up so the fingers could bury into the fringe of his black hair, “One of the doctor’s mentioned a possible third surgery, but they won’t know if they’ll need to for another few days.”

“What are they waiting to see? An alien popping from your chest?”

“At this point?” Keith chuckled, “I don’t know, maybe for me to start coughing blood or something. Medical stuff isn’t really my expertise. I’ve had to patch myself up plenty of times while fighting… you know, up there, but if I ever got hurt like this we just used the healing pods.”

“Don’t… don’t you have anything like that now?”

“We have one,” Keith answered, heavy frown on his lips, “but there’s nothing to sustain the power, so if I tried to go in, there’s a chance my body might just shut down. That’s what Allura said at least. We can’t power it without the Castle of Lions acting as a transmitter. I think Allura and Coran are trying to build it into the Atlas, but even then it might take some time. Integrating alien tech is time consuming.”

“In other words you kind of just have to… suck it up and deal with a normal healing process.”

“Yea, pretty much.”

“That sounds great,” James mumbled, “Do you think the other Paladins will be able to survive without you? What if something happens? You’re not going to jump out of bed to pilot that lion while you’re still in the red area of recovery, are you?”

“They still have Shiro,” Keith argued, “and he was Black Paladin before I was. I think he’ll be able to lead those guys while I’m here.”

James blinked at that, lifting his chin away from where he’d sat it back against his forearm, “Before, when you were delusional from your fever, you did mention that. Captain was the Black Paladin in the beginning when you all joined Voltron.”

Keith scratched his neck somewhat roughly, “I, uh… I mentioned that?”

“You said one or two things. You don’t remember?”

Keith shook his head, “I remember bits and pieces, but mainly the fact my head hurt, and my stomach.”

“So you don’t remember me saving your ass?”

“No, I remember that,” Keith mumbled, “It’s kind of scattered, I mean I remember you carried me to safety after I got shot, I remember waking up and seeing you next to me, trying to calm me down and get me to relax…”

He trailed off, staring blankly, and James figured that was a bad thing, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing… just an odd thought, but… I think it must have been my fever, my head hurt pretty bad after all, but when I opened my eyes I could’ve sworn I saw Shiro.”

“Just me,” James corrected, feeling oddly annoyed, “Sorry to disappoint.”

Keith didn’t answer, just continued to stare, hand lifting and sliding across the scar on his cheek, something like pain in his eyes. He was remembering something, and it wasn’t anything particularly good, James recognized the expression as being similar to the one Keith wore when he woke up from his nightmare.

“Keith, stop,” James reached out to grab onto his left hand, which was lying limply against the mattress by his side.

Touching him probably wasn’t necessary, but after having to coax Keith out of a flashback a few times already, he honestly was just letting himself do what he knew would calm him down before he could start to freak out. Touch his hand, fingers curling around his, being careful of the IV.

“You’re going to give yourself another panic attack. I don’t know what you’re thinking about, but just… try and think of something else,” Keith breathed in through clenched teeth, yanking his hand away from the scar and reaching over to grab James around the wrist.

Though he didn’t try and pry him away, just clung to him, eyes pinching closed.

“I’m fine.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you have enough fever induced panic attacks to recognize when you’re about to have another,” James scolded, “You don’t have to be ashamed of it or anything, considering what you went through, but… look they’re really bad.”

Keith furrowed his brow and looked over at James, “What?”

“Your panic attacks, you had like five of them within the day we were stuck there. I get your fever probably brought them up, but they were really bad,” Keith looked honestly surprised, and James huffed out, “Have you ever thought about talking to someone?”

“I didn’t… even know I got them,” Keith mumbled, looking somewhat embarrassed and sheepish, though not entirely surprised, “Guess I was pretty messed up when I was out there. Or maybe I was always this messed up.”

“What do you plan on doing about it?”

Keith just made an incoherent noise before answering, “Why do anything? Like you said, they were induced by my fever. Not like it’ll happen again.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” James argued, but recognized that Keith had no intentions of continuing the topic, so he just sighed a little, “Look… sorry I wasn’t Shiro, I’m sure you would’ve probably felt a lot safer if I had been. In fact if the Captain had gone with you instead this never would have happened, but-.”

“What, shut up,” Keith bit, “That’s not what I meant at all, I just…,” he seemed to sink into the pillows, “It’s like an automatic response to look for him when something bad happens. I worry, that’s all, and the past few… years I guess, while we were out there, me being in danger meant he was in danger too, and I… didn’t like that. Still don’t.”

James really didn’t know how to respond to that. He’d thought this for a while, but Keith had always had this deep connection to Shiro, some unobtainable relationship beyond any outsider’s comprehension. It used to really bug James, seeing the idolized pilot conversing with Keith, just some problematic cadet, as if they’d been friends for decades longer than either had been alive.

They’d known each other for a while, Keith admired Shiro, that was obvious, so it wasn’t weird that he would immediately panic upon waking up from getting shot, thinking the same thing, or a fate even worse, had come upon Shiro as well. Or any of the Paladins for that matter. Keith really did think like a leader, worrying over his team above himself.

“So… how much… do you remember?”

Keith seemed to think about it, still sunk into the pillows, head leaned back so he could stare at the ceiling, “You apologized to me, for being a jerk back when we were kids. You mentioned a sister… but she…”

James winced, looking off to the side, “What else?”

“I promised I’d tell you stories about Voltron,” Keith hummed, head rolling, “Did I really?”

“Well, I said you had to tell me a story or two,” James sighed out, “You don’t have to though.”

“I don’t mind,” Kieth shrugged his shoulders, “I’m going to be here for a while, and it’s not like all the stories are bad. Most of them are pretty good,” his lips curved into a somewhat wistful, nostalgic smile, staring at the wall like he was watching something secret, “I could tell you about the time Lance got the Blue Lion stolen because he was flirting with an alien. Or that time we had to visit a space mall for these weird lenses to power the teleduv in the Castle. The time Hunk and I got eaten by a giant space worm, or the cosmic game show we got stuck on where Lance almost got dissolved in acid.”

“All of those sound fucking bizarre,” James decided, but he was grinning, something in his mind running rampant as his heart raced, as if the concept of each story just sent him into a fan mode, “I’d love to hear everything, honestly. I was never interested in space travel, but man, I might change my mind after some of these stories.”

Keith smiled softly at that, opening his mouth as if in preparation to start one of his stories, but he was interrupted by the swish of the door opening, Lance, Veronica, and Shiro filing into the room.

“I can’t believe you had your keys the whole time! Mom roped me into cleaning half the apartment because of you!” Lance was whining, and Veronica just shrugged with both her hands.

“Hey, people make mistakes. I thought I lost them, they just happened to be conveniently in my pocket instead.”

“Why do I feel like you tricked me for some reason?”

“Because you’re paranoid.”

James’ eyes fell when he felt someone squeeze his fingers, realizing he was still holding Keith’s hand and jerking his away to swing his entire arm back to rub the back of his head, looking off to the side, not picking up on Shiro’s far too critical stare.

“Hey what the heck are you doing?” Lance demanded when he’d gotten into the room, pointing an accusing finger at James, who folded his arms across the back of the seat he was in, “Don’t you have your own work to do?”

“Sorry, is my presence bothering you?” James asked, and Lance squinted.

“Considering last time you were in here you yelled at Keith? Who was trying to sleep?”

“Did you do that?” Keith asked, side-eyeing James, who shrugged.

“Not like you would’ve woken up from your coma no matter how many times I called you a little shit.”

“Thanks so much.”

“Man, this is his fault anyway,” Lance complained, though it was pretty obvious he was just pushing blame to James because he felt guilty as well for what happened, “Why’s he in here? Keith needs to be sleeping.”

“You’re right, Lance,” Veronica put an arm around his shoulders, “No more visitors. Your Black Paladin looks exhausted anyway.”

“What? Hey I didn’t mean me! Voltron can visit whenever we want!”

“I agree with Veronica on this one, Keith’s been awake for a while, but he’s still got a long recovery to go,” Shiro said in an understanding voice, one hand on his hip, giving Lance a smile when his shoulder sagged, “You can visit later when he’s more awake, for now we should all leave and let him rest.”

“Ugh, fine,” Lance muttered, glaring at James, “but he has to leave too.”

“Yes, that’s what no more visitors means,” Shiro agreed, turning his head to glance in James’ direction.

He didn’t say anything, no orders, but his eyes were enough of an order, and James tensed before standing up, pulling the chair away from the bed to set it against the wall before stuffing his hands into his pockets, moving around the foot of the bed as Veronica started to lead Lance out of the room.

“I’ll be back later, buddy!” the other Paladin called in to Keith, “I’ll get Hunk to make some snacks, hospital food sucks!”

Then he was gone and James was headed for the door, but Shiro turned to the bed, passing James to instead take a place next to Keith, sitting on the edge of the bed. James paused in the doorway and glanced over his shoulder. Part of him wanted to call Shiro out on not following his own orders, but he couldn’t place why it bothered him so much. He was their commanding officer, he had every right to stay after everyone had left, even if he had no blood relation with Keith. It just… set something off when he sat directly on the bed facing Keith, human hand reaching out so he could set the backs of his fingers against his forehead to test the heat there.

Keith’s eyes closed and he seemed to lean into the touch, and James tightened the grip he had on the doorframe.

“How are you feeling?” Shiro asked, not even acknowledging that James was still watching, maybe unconsciously, maybe he just didn’t realize it, “Tired?”

“Kind of. I’m fine, though,” Keith answered, eyes reopening when Shiro pulled his hand away.

“It’s taken a bit to contact Krolia and Kolivon, they were just past the solar system casting out signals to contact surviving blades, and with the mundane satellites we have in orbit, we can’t reach anyone outside the Milky Way. We just got a hold of them a bit ago, and she’s on her way back.”

Keith seemed to sigh, and appeared guilty, also somewhat annoyed, “I don’t like that I’m worrying her, but Kolivon has gotten even worse about me being hurt. It’s almost hard to believe this is the same guy who kept pounding into my head the importance of the mission over my own life. Now he’s all naggy about me taking care of myself.”

“Well, more than half the blades were wiped out, you’re one of the few connections he has left,” Shiro tried to defend, an amused smile on his lips, “Not surprising he’d want you safe.”

Keith hummed at that, and seemed to feel the gaze on him, because his own shifted to James at the door. James tensed when their eyes met and turned quickly to leave, pausing when Keith called to him.

“Come back later when I’m awake again,” he said, and James looked back in slight surprise, “I still need to talk to you about something.”

“… right… if you’re sure you want me here,” James said, “I don’t know if Lance will let me,” Keith looked unamused, and James held his hands up, “Right, who cares what he wants, I’ll stop in later.”

“One more thing, Griffin,” James kept his back to Keith this time, hearing the intensity in his voice and deciding he didn’t want to see his face when he spoke the words he’d been waiting for the whole time, “This wasn’t your fault, okay? It was my choice and mine alone that got me into this mess, I’d be dead if you hadn’t been there.”

James wanted to argue, say at least Keith wouldn’t have gotten hurt, but decided not to say anything. Not a damn thing. Just stood there letting this feeling of failure settle over him. The same failure he felt when he thought Veronica had died when they went for supplies, the same failure he felt when Iverson handed him a set of dog tags with his sister’s name stamped into them. The feeling of a leader failing his team.

“James,” Keith called to him again, obviously wanting a response, but James just stepped into the hall and reached over to slip his hand over the panel in the wall, closing the door and putting a wall up between he and Keith.

He didn’t want any comfort, didn’t want anyone telling him it wasn’t his fault, because he didn’t care. He messed up. That was that. Yet his hand felt warm, from when he’d reached out to hold Keith’s, to comfort him and pull him out of a panic attack before it could start. For a time, short as it was, James was able to help Keith, take care of him. That… was enough.


End file.
